I can't have fun anymore. Not like I used to. I get stressed out when people act out of control and frivolous. I judge others with a rightcheous ego-flattering pompousness. I think I'm smarting and better than them. I'm emotionally sensitive to the people around me and feed on their feelings. I am a control freak. I believe in my mind that I am right and note worthy.
I just left my roomate's Xmas party because a fight broke out. Does that make me weak? I couldn't sit there and let these people take me down. I fear the police and the blame I might be placed with since I live there. This one young female supposedly tossed beer on a male. Who knows why? But he gets pissed and the other girl's who are the male's friend come to his rescue. Squacking and yapping they elevated the hate until it erupted with two females pulling hair. Like bitches. I dive into the fray and speak my mind. I yell back and attempt to peel t9he two beasts from each other. No one respects my wishes and with everyone entitled and drunk no one sympathizes with my tenderness.
How dare these people that I barely know affect me so thoroughly? How dare I let myself be affected by these drunkards? I am not interested in an environment full of ill tempers and immature interactions. Violence is abhorant and emotionally draining. Controlling those that choose to be violent is too costly and futile.
So I leave them for sanctuary in wal mart. I can breath here and I am relatively safe. How long do I wait to go back home to face the disaster that accompanies those people? Do my actions require an explanation? I am an emotional creature and other people affect my well being. Fuck all those that disturb my peace.
