Man Date 1: Impromptu Talk with Dave
Wednesday started with sending a consultation letter to a therapist. I was nervous to reach out to a man to talk about my "problems" but I've learned that when I feel uncomfortable I am probably learning or growing so I decided to just do it. I was off that day and become bored sitting in my apartment so I decided to do the lamest thing possible, go to the mall the walk around. I went to the mall and stopped by a store that a couple of friends work and chatted for a while, then I decided to see if my friend Dave was working.
When I entered the store the woman behind the counter recognized me and informed me that I was on the list of people that could interrupt Dave if he is busy in the back room. I felt very good about this. Dave came out from the back room and we proceeded to have an almost 2 hour conversation on everything from yo-yoing to the sexual market value of aging women. Every once in a while I go to the mall to have these types of conversations and distract Dave from his duties and we end up having very candid and engaging conversations about the realities of life. He is very open to talking about business, love, technology, politics, and even religion. What a wonderful way to spend a couple hours waiting for date number 2.
Man Date 2: Dinner, Movie and Podcasting with Channing
After chatting with Dave I headed to Applebee's where I met the wonderful Channing, my co-host and confidant. We become friends when we worked together and hit it off immediately. Later I decided I wanted to start a weekly podcast and Channing and I started the Fleeting Thoughts podcast. If anything it is a great excuse to meet up and hang out regularly since we don't work together anymore and we have a great time talking about pop culture, politics, religion, sex, racism, and any all manner of ridiculousness. Sometimes we are silly and sometimes we are serious but we are always enjoying the experiences. At least I know I am.
I can tell Channing anything. Just the other day I confided in him and subsequently the podcast world that I lost my virginity at the ripe age of 23. This fact was a complete secret that I made sure to never divulge previously but I felt comfortable telling Channing while recording the podcast and the discomfort I felt initially was quickly replaced by a kind of freedom and release. I have gotten off track but essentially every time I get to hang out with Channing is a cherished opportunity. He is truly a great friend.
The date night in question did include dinner at Applebee's, which was great, watching the mediocre western "Jane Got a Gun" and then recording our podcast. Our conversations are fluid and dynamic and for the most part we do not edit ourselves other than to keep from getting sued or due to subconscious efforts to maintain a certain "self", which is hard to avoid.
Man Date 3: The One That I Can't Quit
I told my friend Anthony I would come watch him play in a high average pool tournament at a local bar. I was supposed to be in the tournament too but I couldn't make it to the second night so I gave my spot to another person on our team. I just bring this up to brag. When I get to the bar I find Anthony and his girlfriend in the smoking area and as I walk up I see that they are fighting. Something about, "I just got here, what did I do," coming from his girlfriend. I swiftly leave the area and go inside to wait. I sit for a moment when I see that he is sitting at a table on the other side of the bar so I head over to say hi.
We greet each other and have somewhat pleasant banter. Another player from our team came to watch and we all sit a a table waiting for Anthony to play. At one point I bring up that I'm trying to learn Spanish and Anthony and his girlfriend proceed to argue about who knows Spanish better and they just start saying random phrases in Spanish until Anthony leaves the table to get beer.
I am going to stop myself there. Essentially my relationship with this man is strained to put it mildly. I have known his since 5th grade and for a long time I thought we was a respectable guy. After his divorce a few years ago he has been a completely self destructive, self centered, shell of a man. His girlfriend is horrible, he makes terrible choices and drowns his sorrows in booze and ego trips. It has become harder and harder to have Anthony in my life and he sucks which sucks.
Man Date 4: A bit of Culture with Joey
Joey is a long time friend and we decided to go see the play "The Book of Mormon" at the Hult Center. Before the show we met two of his friends for dinner at a swanky, downtown Japanese restaurant for sushi. His friends dressed up and we had a wonderful time eating expensive sushi and talking about video games and our jobs. They were going to the play as well to celebrate a birthday.
Afterward we walked to the theater in the rain and made it just in time to get our seats. I have seen a lot of on and off Broadway shows in New York, including "Wicked", and "Doubt" and I am fairly certain "The Book of Mormon" was the best play I've ever seen. What may have been even more enjoyable was watching Joey laugh and applaud during the show with unabashed excitement. The play had every bit of irreverent silliness of pointed satire I would expect from the creators of South Park. It was wonderful.
After the play there were real Mormons outside handing out real stupid Mormon books. Then we walked across the street and down the block to a bar where Joey's friend had an art showcase. The artist had used slabs of wood to paint eerie scenes from the movie "The Shining". We four sat at a table expounding on the trappings of adulthood and getting older while watching college age drinkers filling up the bar. It was too "happening" for us so we decided to get out of there for something quieter so we went to a bar called the Wetlands. There we ate some late night food and continued talking about life and work. It was a thoroughly enjoyable evening.
Then Joey took me back to his place, where my car was, and we chatted a little about relationships and fitness before I left for my home. Joey is the opposite of my friend Anthony. Joey was divorced a few years ago too but instead of falling into self loathing he decided to get healthy and make changes for the better. He takes life more seriously now and with more conscious effort to be better. He is looking out for himself more and he isn't trying to deny the past. Instead he is working toward a better future for himself and he's the kind of person I am glad to be around.
I wrote this because my relationships are important and because most people have no idea what men do or how men think. I want to share how I feel about my male friends and express how important it is that I do not take them for granted or as obligations. My relationships can be a mixed bag full of amazing insights and frustrating revelations and sometimes I even have fun.
