Sunday, October 4, 2020
My Favorite Podcasts of 2020 (So Far)
Thursday, October 1, 2020
Death is the Second
Wednesday, September 30, 2020
Pretend I'm Your Friend
On Relationships
Most people have two or more "personas". They adapt to their environments by filtering their speech. At work, I have one filter and when I'm at home I have another. Sometimes I omit certain words because they are crass in one environment but perfectly acceptable in another.
My friends and I play a game sometimes. The goal is to shock the other person or people in the group by saying the most offensive, gruesome, or blasphemous thing possible. The more heinous the better. But it also has to be clever and in an attempt at humor. If someone says something stupid they are ridiculed by the others so the horrible things uttered have to be something the others will understand and appreciate as purposely horrible. The idea is to make fun of the easily offended, ourselves, and to challenge and understand each other's perspectives.I would say that the quality of a friendship is marked by the level of freedom you have to communicate and be honest. The lower the filter the better the friend. This is why some siblings are not friends. Why some husbands and wives are not each other's best friends. People play roles in relationships and being honest can break the role and challenge their place. If someone does challenge their role in the relationship and the relationship can not adapt to this change then it will suffer.
Your best friend is oftentimes the person you can talk about you're family and spouse about in a way you might not be able to with anyone else. This is why high-quality friendships are so valuable. It gives a person a refuge to experiment with their thoughts as we don't always know what we think about something until we verbalize it and doing this with someone who can listen and offer constructive analysis will allow someone to understand their thinking better than just blurting out something in a moment of emotional distress toward someone they usually use a filter for.
Honest communication is about trust because our secrets are only secrets because of the perceived judgment of others. We hold back and filter our thoughts to hedge our bets about how others will respond. We don't use taboo language around people we don't know very well because we know that words can start fights. So we slowly test the "waters" using language. We throw in a lesser curse word like "ass" or "butthole" in an effort to gauge the other's reaction. If we are safe we might throw out a "shit" or "fuck" or a somewhat controversial idea to see what happens. Good communication is a dance with each person reading the others' moves and attempting to engage in a harmonious way. A bad conversation is the opposite, where both try to lead or one isn't paying attention or one is trying to antagonize the other.
As the dance continues the two will start to feel freer as they have created boundaries around what language works. The content of the conversation is only part of the equation of communication. Each person is doing at least two things. One is attempting to understand what the other person is saying. This can take focus and conscious effort. Listening is a skill. Although at times it can take less focus and comprehension can be effortless if the words are familiar and the topics mundane.
When a person pushes the bounds of common etiquette with harsher words than would normally come out of a stranger people can often be perturbed. The normal behavior of strangers is to tread lightly until rapport is established. By being polite and respectful with their words and physical space they are saying to others that they know how to play the game. When someone treads too hard against these social mores they are testing the boundaries of others. If someone pushes too hard they can be met with any amount of disdain. From a look of contempt to a shot to the head, people don't take kindly to being tested or perceived disrespect.
Friends, on the other hand, can look past the words used and look for the spirit in which they were said. People infer meaning and intent when communicating. Sometimes people do this so much that they try to finish each other's sentences. This is rude in that it breaks up the flow of the speaker's thoughts and can derail a thread of thought. The person who is being interrupted has not established boundaries with the person who keeps interrupting them. This can often be because the speaker is also prone to interrupting and so allows it in others. Hypocritical people who interrupt others often don't like it when you interrupt them. This is due to a lack of self-awareness or some kind of narcissism where rules apply to others and not to the self.
Friends will typically give the benefit of the doubt when someone says something that is either uncharacteristically or surprisingly rude, harsh or offensive.
People also know how to pretend to be friends. This is oftentimes what is happening between two new coworkers. They have the pressure of filtering themselves correctly in the workplace environment, which is actually at least three environments. The first environment is the one that involves clients. The second is the one that involves peers. The third is the one that involves hierarchies and bosses. And there are more I'm sure. The new coworkers also have the added pressure of trying to get to know their coworkers. They have to be able to pretend to be a stranger's friend. This is usually awkward as real friendship is gained over time and with experience and so the awkwardness that is felt is due to the inauthenticity.
A stranger is not a friend and so pretending someone is a friend in the workplace is a kind of guise. A ruse that if played wrong can be disastrous. Navigating this type of scenario is probably best done by not caring about making friends but instead caring about being a good team member. By volunteering to do jobs and help others one creates the best kind of coworker relationship, one that takes the job seriously. If one never tried to be besties with others they remain neutral and honest. They should have a plan in mind as to why they are working there and part of that plan should be to cooperate with others.
A friend applies their morality to their friends and a friend should be honest about their moral philosophies and stand by them enough to disavow a friend that strikes too hard at the values they uphold. This does not mean that a friend shouldn't be open to new ideas or be challenged but it does mean that there is a certain point at which a person should make a stand. A moral pushover or weakling can not be respected by people being honest.
Pretend I'm Your Friend
Monday, September 28, 2020
Fuck Ego.
What is wisdom? (No Answers Here)
Is wisdom about understanding others? If so then wisdom includes emotional information which tends to be abstract and subjective making it difficult to rely solely on calculable information.
Monday, September 14, 2020
Book Review: Odd Billy Todd by N.C. Reed
A potential apocalyptic event is a common topic among my friends. What would cause it and what would we do in such a scenario can easily take up hours of conversation. As well as what kind of preparations we might make in reality and what is reasonable to actually do today based on the fact that it is an extremely unlikely thing to happen. This year has been no exception and with the rise of COVID and now, with the recent fires and terrible air quality the idea of survival preparedness is maybe not so far fetched. A few months ago my friend could not stop talking about Odd Billy Todd and so when I had the opportunity to get my hands on a copy, borrowed from my brother, I went into it with heightened anticipation.
Billy Todd wakes up one day to find that a plague has wiped out 95 percent of the world's population in the span of about a week leaving him all alone in his small rural home town of Cedar Bend, Tennessee. He is uniquely capable of dealing with this situation as his family owns a farm near the town that is self-sustaining and Billy's parents taught him how to deal with life in such a way that would allow him to survive almost any scenario. His parents had died sometime before the plague but not before teaching him how to think like a conscientious and moral person. Billy's oddness only manifests itself in a few negative ways throughout the book but seems to really manifest itself as his odd way of knowing how to think ahead, plan things out and shoot better than almost anyone. He is a kind of Aspergian country hero.
Soon enough he finds that there are other survivors including a woman who has had a crush on him since high school and his neighbors who have a farm nearby. Seemingly unfazed by their new circumstances Billy and the others work diligently to secure resources and plan for the coming desolation of post-apocalyptic life. With solar power, cows, pigs, and lots of guns they make their way through well enough on their own until they find that there is a nearby settlement where they can trade goods and socialize with other survivors. It is on the road to this place that we first meet the dark side of humanity as road pirates attempt to steal from them. This is also when we find out the Odd Billy Todd does not suffer dangerous fools.
They meet up with others at the settlement and find some folks that they think might want to come back and live on what later is known as the Farms. People with skills and attitudes that cooperate and complement the others are brought in and soon the Farms become a small community. As this is happening Billy finds out that there are additional threats including a group that has taken over a train that is ransacking and killing those along the tracks it travels. Billy and the others work to prepare themselves for both the natural elements and human elements that threaten their lives. They raid nearby towns often in order to find supplies and food and this is where they end up meeting with both potential friends and certain foes. Foes are met with swift justice and friends are allowed to live at the Farms as long as they are willing to work and cooperate.
All in all, this was a fun book to read. I enjoyed the attempt at taking the ideas of survival preparedness and other post-apocalyptic themes seriously and the way the author does not go the route of psychological drama or relationship melodrama as some of these types of stories do. Not that those are bad but this book is doing something different. It is like a fictional exercise in real-world considerations taken at face value. There are not a lot of metaphorical or abstract language here and everyone in it has their role to play. There are good guys and bad guys and that's about it.
The author obviously knows quite a lot about the nuts and bolts of what he writes about as the details regarding the tools, engineering, weapons, and survival aspects are specific and deep. The vast majority of the book is about the somewhat mundane day to day life of people who have to fend for themselves. Fuel, clothing, food, and all other manners of day to day considerations are addressed and at times the story got a little repetitive if not boring. This is compared to the much more exciting and interesting parts that involve action and violence as Billy and his group protects themselves from those that would take from them what they worked hard to acquire.
If you like guns and military strategy this book has a lot of fun post-apocalyptic style scenarios to enjoy. Unfortunately, the bad guys are not particularly well developed and the good guys are so superior that the stakes are not that high and there isn't a lot of nuance in the plot. The book is independently produced and this is the first book by the author so there is something to be desired in regards to editing and the writing can be a little clunky at times. This took me out of the story periodically but not enough to ruin the experience. The writing is straightforward but not boring or lacking in creativity. The book obviously holds traditional values such as hard work, self-reliance, swift justice for the wicked, and other conservative and somewhat Christian in nature as virtuous. This makes sense given its protagonists and setting and isn't preachy at all. Just some good ol'fashioned redneck fun.
In conclusion, it is a little long in my opinion, and could have used some additional revisions and editing to polish it up. The addition of a well developed bad guy, as well as a more obvious reason to call Billy Odd, would have added a lot to the dynamics in my opinion but as an amateur writer, I appreciate this book for its rawness. I'm glad I read it and it will certainly spark more conversations among my friends.
Check out these other reviews for books about the end of the world:
Book Review: The World Carried On by Channing CornwallSaturday, September 5, 2020
Photo Journal 9/5/2020
Shot with Canon 80D
100mm Macro Lens














