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Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Monday, October 11, 2021
Monday, May 17, 2021
On Ego and Roles (Thoughts)
When I am working and ask if I can help and the customer responds automatically with "No, I'm fine." When really what they want is for someone to help them find the thing they are looking for but they don't want anyone to think that they are helpless, weak, or can't find it on their own. Inevitably, within a few seconds, they raise my attention with, "Actually, where is the so and so?"
Sometimes I smile when I filled with a sense of ego. When I accomplish something difficult or figure something out that is meaningful, or when someone says that I did a good job. I am consumed by a sense of pride and confidence. I smile and look inward to congratulate myself. "What a good job I have done!" "They like me!" Then I am struck by another thought and I smile to myself and I accept my pride and release the feeling of ego and move on with life. If I allow myself to live in the past accomplishments I will have a harder time recognizing the current experience and become distracted from those around me who rely on my judgment and expertise. If I forget those around me in pursuit of prolonging my sense of self-worth then I forget to treat people as I would prefer to be treated. I prefer to those around me to acknowledge my existence and be present around me. I want to be a part of their world, not a ghost adjacent.
My longing to be perfect is a reflection of my dysfunctional ego. An ego that will not be satisfied with anything less than perfection creates an endless cycle of failure. Instead of being satisfied with improvement with an upward trajectory, an inflated ego demands a level of expertise that is only afforded to those that are practiced, educated, and experienced, and only to varying degrees regardless of said experience.
I get nervous before I stream myself live, offer my opinions to superiors, or try to impress loved ones. I want to control the perception of others in a way that makes me think that they think that I am awesome. That I am wise, courageous, strong, funny, healthy, sexy, and all other archetypes of awesomeness. When I am nervous I forget to be in the moment and I forget to focus on the task at hand. In the back of my mind, I am imagining those that are watching me and attempting to will them into seeing me in a positive light.
This is illogical for many reasons. Firstly, I am incapable of accurately predicting the thoughts of others. Secondly, I have no control over and shouldn't require control over the thoughts of others. Thirdly, I have to accept that not all people will like me, hate me, love me, think about me, forget me, know me and in fact, most people will never think about me at all. Even those who have met me will rarely think of me twice. And my best friends, family members, and lovers will only think of me occasionally and with only a small fragment of an accurate impression of myself.
My ego allows me to spite others for not caring enough about me. When I choose not to call a friend and use the excuse that they haven't called me in "who knows how long" or when I say to myself, "if they wanted to talk to me they would call me." My ego tells me that in order to be my friend you have to put in the same amount of effort I put in so when my friends don't put in the effort it is simply a reflection of my effort. My ego tells me that if I text them first then I am the weak one.
My ego makes me want to show how amazing I am by working harder than anyone else, even though I am lazier than I could be, waste plenty of time, and only marginally work toward bettering myself. When I judge others as being lazy because they don't answer a phone I don't want to answer. When I look around at everyone and think "these lazy fucks!".
I am full of shit.
Any desire that is born simply for the need to impress others is shallow and elusive. To understand what others want one would have to constantly be probing and questioning those around them to gain insight into what might impress others. To make your parents proud you have to constantly be assessing their pride in your deeds, or lack of deeds. Maybe your parents are elusive as well. They disguise their pride and your ego becomes lost and confused.
Roles:
The ego is an expression of the collective idealism you create around the perception of yourself. The ideal self is postulated within the mind and over time it evolves. Whenever you contemplate yourself as being in alignment with your perceived ideal self your ego is satisfied.
Be wary of the ideal self as this is generated with others in mind. We generate and develop our conception of ourselves by comparing ourselves to those around us. We impersonate, mimic, and react to the world and we are shaped by its actions. We are told who we are by witnessing the world. We know we are human because other humans look the same and identify as humans. Are parents and siblings become role models and we become like them. Adapting and surviving. But we are not them and so we take different paths and soon we learn of the paths of many others. Through stories, we learn about the lives of others and we incorporate those archetypes into our bank of lives to emulate. "I like that person. I don't like that person." We identify allies and enemies by taking sides in stories and justifying actions. We place ourselves into the story and take on the roles of its characters. We imagine living the lives of these characters and
These stories are ancient but in the age of information, the stories are overwhelming. From before we are alive we are inflicted with stories. Many of them that are purposely unrealistic in a way that clouds the mind with counterfactuals and contrivances. (This has been an attempt to get the word contrivances into a sentence.)
We can't trust the news to tell us what is really going on.
Politicians attempt to convince others that they are the hero in a virtue story. A story about how people should act. A story about how people should try to help others. A story about service and chastity. A story about trust and courage. These are just stories. They are not real. Politicians are professional administrators with jobs related to spending the public's money. They determine their own salaries, bonuses, and benefits.
There are no roles. Your life is not a story. You are an ape on Earth, on your way to death while witnessing the deaths of those around you. You didn't choose to be born and you will most likely remain ignorant to anything deeply true in the universe. You will only tenuously grasp reality and mostly fumble along getting by on sheer momentum, determination, and luck.
Luck is another word for ignorance. Luck is not knowing the causal link from an outcome to its salient cause. Luck is seeing a result without seeing the effort put into it. It is assigning positive or negative value based on its relative benefit to the individual.
Monday, November 6, 2017
More than Justice
Why are we not satisfied with the prosecution of a mass shooter or terrorist?
Maybe it is due to the mysterious nature of these crimes that we crave additional action. They come out of nowhere and strike the innocent with violence that shocks and infuriates. These acts remind us that we are not in total control over the environment and that the barbarism of our past has not been lost to modernity. While violence in the world is going down we still find ourselves subject to nature's wrath but when it is by human hands we seek explanation and prevention.
But how can you prevent psychopathy, sadism and violent ideology? Many want to take away the tools of such violence but this does not seem to satisfy the masses. Maybe it is because deep down we know that no matter the restrictions people are clever enough to circumvent them. Maybe, deep down we know that no matter what we do we won't be able to stop these kinds of acts of violence. We distract ourselves with ideas of prevention because we don't want to admit the terrible truth that what creates these kinds of people is a combination of biological predispositions and environmentally mediated influences. To regulate is reactionary and by the time the terrorist kills or the active shooter shoots it is too late. We have to go deeper, to the life of these people, not just their last acts.
All the mechanisms that could prevent these acts are in the communities, families and cultural values that the people that commit them have experienced. Why do we not blame those that encouraged the violence? Why don't we blame the family that ignored their child or abused their child, creating in them a resentment and hatred of others? Why don't we blame the religious leaders and apologists for not disavowing all that would commit these acts?
We do not do this because we don't want to admit that we are the problem and that the problem is amazingly difficult to solve. There is no one solution to solving these issues. Things can only change when we are brave enough to stand up to violent ideologies, hold parents accountable and understand biological predispositions.
We must also realize that no matter what we do to regulate, teach and influence others the universe is cruel and we all die. As long as we care about each other we will experience sorrow and anger and it is in those times that we need to look at our own roles in the destruction of civilization. What we do in our day to day lives has an effect on the world around us and it is in the daily decisions that we define our values.
Maybe the next time we encounter the aftermath of a mass shooter or terrorist bombing we will understand that it is the society that we have created, the decisions of individuals and the cruelty of nature that we see in those acts and begin to take responsibility for the world around us.
Maybe the next time we encounter the aftermath of a mass shooter or terrorist bombing we will understand that it is the society that we have created, the decisions of individuals and the cruelty of nature that we see in those acts and begin to take responsibility for the world around us.
Thursday, April 27, 2017
30 Days of Fiction: 15
Friday was his 12th birthday and Joey was scurrying around the house frantically searching for his Nerf Auto-Blaster 3000. He looked under his bed, in the closet, in the living room closet, downstairs but it was no where to be found. His mother, June, was in the kitchen complaining to no one in particular that the dishes should have been done the night before and that it was Jemma's turn to do them but she was doing them anyway. Jemma was Joey's older sister and while his mother was quietly rebuking her Jemma was in her room talking to Stan Jones. All the while Jordan, Joey's stepfather was at work. He had promised Joey that he would make it to the birthday party at five but no one really thought he'd show up except Joey. Joey knew he would. Why would he say he would and then not, Joey thought.
Joey turned over another couch cushion and cursed, "Shit," when he saw no signs of Nerf activity.
"Watch your mouth Joey," his mother yelled from around the corner. "It might be your birthday but this is still my house," she said, but Joey could tell she wasn't really mad. She was always saying things like that. "Stay off the roof," she'd say, or, "Don't eat candy before dinner." But he knew she wasn't serious because even if she saw him disobey she'd just give him a look.
He sat on the couch and turned the TV on and flipped between channels but nothing looked interesting so he turned it off after about 30 clicks of the remote. What to do, he thought and then he remembered. He'd been wanting to climb the biggest tree in the neighborhood ever since Robert Claiborne had bragged about doing it last month in the cafeteria. When Joey had called him a liar, that day, Marcus Leonard backed up the story and threatened to punch Joey in the chin if he called Robert a liar again, so Joey knew it must be true. Since then, Joey thought that climbing the monster tree was not only possible but that if it could be climbed by Robert, a boy a year a year younger than he was, he had to try it.
Joey stood up from the couch and walked with purpose into his room to prepare. He changed into his climbing jeans, that were just his normal jeans but not the nice jeans he wore to church, these were the ones he wore after church. Then he put on his lucky blue belt, his green Hulk shirt and tied up his generic running shoes tightly. Then, his folding knife and two cards were put into his pockets and he was ready to go.
He opened the front door and yelled toward the kitchen, "I'm going outside to play!" His mom mumbled something about being back in time or something and he mumbled something back about doing what she'd said. When he opened the door he quickly turned his head from the bright light emanating from the sky and grabbed the pair of glasses on the stand to his left. They were his sister's but she never left her room anyway so why would she care, he thought. He put the red glasses on and marched out into the sun.
Joey was only a few feet down the road when, Peter Baker, a fifth grader with a speech impediment, rolled up next to him on his Schwinn bike and asked,"What ahwr you doing?"
Joey responded with,"I'm going to climb the tree," and puffed his chest out a little and marched forward.
"Well, that's stupid," Peter said incredulous of the claim. "You'wr gunna fall just like Wobewrt did."
"You're saying Robert's a liar," Joey asked not believing Peter for a second. What would a fifth grader know anyway, Joey thought.
"I saw it," Peter said and then added, "and Wobert only got up like five feet and slipped all the way down and cwied like a baby." Peter smiled remembering the scene.
"Bullshit, what do you know," Joey said as he continued to march down the sidewalk.
Peter said, "whatevewr," and rolled away up the street.
Joey continued his walk until he reached the crest of the hill and at the top he stopped, pulled his sunglasses off and stared at it. The tree sat at the bottom of the hill nestled to the side of the road in an abandoned field standing in stark contrast to the otherwise desolate lot. It's lush green branches stretched up to the sky beckoning the sun and rain to nourish it's expansion and it called to Joey. To climb it's heights was to tame an ancient creature and have your name live on in infamy. Joey put his glasses back on and continued down the street.
Halfway down the hill another neighborhood child saw Joey walking down the road, in his resolute form, and became curious. Brad Pendleton was 11 and Brad liked an adventure. He rushed out of the the house and in no time was following Joey grilling him about what he was doing and why.
Brad jumped up and down along the sidewalk and asked, "Whatcha doing? Are ya goin to play in the lot? You're not goin to climb the tree are ya?" At this, Joey turned his head indicating that he was indeed going to climb the tree but he had no time to talk about it. Brad started to leap higher and higher and rubbed his hands together and said, "Oh, yeah! That's awesome. I wanna see this." Brad narrowly missed a mail box and continued, "You can do it, Joey. I know you can. Awesome."
The two boys continued down the street toward the vacant lot and as they stepped off the sidewalk and into the sandy lot they slowed to watch their steps. The lot was surrounded by chain link fences and trash was strewn about the area holding unknown dangers. One kid from school said the lot was covered in needles and broken glass but from Joey's perspective it was just kinda gross. Both boys still watched their steps and as they approached the base of the massive tree a boy and girl came from behind it with sticks and stones.
"What do you think you're doing," the boy said hitting his stick against his hand. He was Billy Conley, an eighth grader, and the girl was his younger, but meaner, sister, Brenda. She threw a rock at Brad who quickly dodged it and bounced behind Joey.
"I'm gunna climb the tree," Joey said trying his best not to look scared even though he was. The Conley's were bad people, his mom always said but he was determined to climb the tree.
"Bullshit, you are. Not without payin the toll," Brenda said stepping toward Joey and holding her hand out. She looked at Brad and spit in his direction and then reiterated, "money, dumbshit," looking at Joey.
"No," Joey said, but immediately regretted it when Brenda punched him in the gut.
"Not how it works," she said smiling.
"OK, OK," Joey said and pulled out the two cards from his pocket. He handed them to the girl who took them over to Billy. The two siblings looked at the cards, looked at Joey, looked back at the cards and then walked up to Joey together. Joey took a step back but stopped when he bumped into Brad who was standing too close.
"Where did you get these," Billy asked Joey, holding up the limited edition Mew Star Delta Series and Weezing Pokemon cards.
"None of your business," Joey responded hoping that would nullify the bullies.
"Alright, go ahead. Fall from the tree. See if we care," Brenda said and they parted ways to let the boys pass.
Joey and Brad stepped a few feet forward until they were a foot away from the tree and they both looked up.
"Doesn't look so bad," Brad said encouraging Joey, even though he knew he would certainly not attempt it himself.
Joey looked at Brad, nodded and then began his trek up the tree. He wedged his left foot into a crevice and raised himself up onto the first set of branches, pressing himself snugly to the trunk. He looked straight up and stepped up onto another branch and continued to pull himself up always looking at the next branch above. The higher he climbed the more he began the feel the tree sway back and forth causing him to take more time with each decision. Before long he was ten, fifteen and then finally he was twenty feet up the tree near the top. He stopped when the branches began so thin that moving up farther would be impossible and he looked out at the world from his perch.
Ahead he could see the expansiveness of his neighborhood and beyond were more sprawling endless neighborhoods stretching toward the haze of the city in the distance. All around the pavement continued and the houses never stopped. He could see the pools, play-sets and barbecues in the backyards. He could see people washing their cars and arguing with each other three blocks away but when he turned around he couldn't see his house. All he could see was an ever expanding landscape of hills, houses and patches of dessert.
Only when he looked down did the full weight of his actions hit him. He began to see the branches below spinning around the trunk as the tree itself began to twist and turn. With closed eyes he held tightly to the tree and when he opened them he could see a boy, on a bike, watching from up the block. It was Peter Baker looking up into the tree with awe and when he saw Joey looking his way he waved and then rode off down the street. Joey pulled out his knife and began to carve into the tree. He gingerly scraped out "JDG" on the side of the old bark and just as he was trying to fold the blade back it slipped from his hand and fell straight toward the earth.
Joey looked down and was shocked to see Brenda and Billy sitting on the lowest tree limbs right below him. He closed his eyes in terror and when he opened them he was relieved to see the knife sticking up in a tree limb just a foot above the girl's head. Then he made his way down the tree, gingerly feeling around with his foot as it dangled to find each new branch. Halfway down Brad and the others looked up to see Joey holding on with only his two hands, his feet kicking against the trunk but before he slipped they watched as Joey's foot found a branch and he was safe again. Soon enough he hung from a low branch a few feet off the ground and heaved himself off, landing on the dry dirt with what Joey could only imagine was a flourish befitting a gymnast.
On the ground he was greeted by Brad's praises and the two siblings looking at him in a way that indicated a reluctant but genuine respect. Joey walked home that day with Brad bouncing behind him and Peter following along side. They talked about how epic it all was and how he would be famous at school. Joey was filled with a sense of accomplishment and poise and had a smile as vast as the sprawling landscape he saw from atop the tree. The three parted ways one by one until Joey was at his door and when he opened the door to his house he was greeted by his mom sitting on the couch looking over at him with a concerned look.
"Jordan can't make it tonight," she said. "He has to work late and he said he's really sorry," she continued and stood up to comfort Joey. She hugged him and said, "I'm sorry Joey. I know you were looking forward to Jordan coming to your birthday but he has important work to do."
Joey pushed her away and ran to his room slamming the door as he entered. He fell on his bed and lay there for a few minutes thinking about what kind of a jerk says they will be at your party and doesn't show up. Why didn't Jordan want to come to his party, he thought. Joey wanted to tell him about the tree and how he climbed all the way to the top. He wanted to tell him about the knife, because Jordan wouldn't be mad or tell his mom about the knife and about the beautiful sight from the very top. Joey was mad but as he remembered his climb he remembered how he felt before he had walked in the door and he sat up in his bed. He was beginning to feel better and in the corner of the room he noticed the orange tip of his Nerf Auto-Blaster 3000.
Joey jumped off the bed and pulled the gun away from the mess of clothes and toys and examined it. On his dresser were a few Nerf bullets and he loaded the gun and looked around mischievously. He opened the door slowly and crouched down as he entered the hallway surveying the area for hostiles. His ears pricked up when he heard his sister talking of the phone in her room down the hall. He slowly made his way to her open doorway and looked inside. She didn't notice him until the Nerf bullet hit her in the side of the cheek.
"Oh my god," she screamed. "It's my stupid brother, just a second", she said and threw the phone on the bed. She turned and ran at Joey who turned down the hall running and calling for his mother. In the living room Jemma found Joey hiding behind his mom who was protecting him from her wrath.
"It's his birthday Jemma, leave him alone," June said sternly.
"Fine," Jemma said. "But I'll get you," she added and then smiled. Joey came around from behind his mom, with his head down, dropped the gun on the floor and gave Jemma a long hug.
Joey looked up at Jemma and asked, "Can I tell you about the tree?"
"Of course," she said.
"Oh, I wanna hear about the tree too," June said with enthusiasm.
June and Jemma sat on the couch and listened intently as Joey recounted his adventure taming the giant tree.
Joey turned over another couch cushion and cursed, "Shit," when he saw no signs of Nerf activity.
"Watch your mouth Joey," his mother yelled from around the corner. "It might be your birthday but this is still my house," she said, but Joey could tell she wasn't really mad. She was always saying things like that. "Stay off the roof," she'd say, or, "Don't eat candy before dinner." But he knew she wasn't serious because even if she saw him disobey she'd just give him a look.
He sat on the couch and turned the TV on and flipped between channels but nothing looked interesting so he turned it off after about 30 clicks of the remote. What to do, he thought and then he remembered. He'd been wanting to climb the biggest tree in the neighborhood ever since Robert Claiborne had bragged about doing it last month in the cafeteria. When Joey had called him a liar, that day, Marcus Leonard backed up the story and threatened to punch Joey in the chin if he called Robert a liar again, so Joey knew it must be true. Since then, Joey thought that climbing the monster tree was not only possible but that if it could be climbed by Robert, a boy a year a year younger than he was, he had to try it.
Joey stood up from the couch and walked with purpose into his room to prepare. He changed into his climbing jeans, that were just his normal jeans but not the nice jeans he wore to church, these were the ones he wore after church. Then he put on his lucky blue belt, his green Hulk shirt and tied up his generic running shoes tightly. Then, his folding knife and two cards were put into his pockets and he was ready to go.
He opened the front door and yelled toward the kitchen, "I'm going outside to play!" His mom mumbled something about being back in time or something and he mumbled something back about doing what she'd said. When he opened the door he quickly turned his head from the bright light emanating from the sky and grabbed the pair of glasses on the stand to his left. They were his sister's but she never left her room anyway so why would she care, he thought. He put the red glasses on and marched out into the sun.
Joey was only a few feet down the road when, Peter Baker, a fifth grader with a speech impediment, rolled up next to him on his Schwinn bike and asked,"What ahwr you doing?"
Joey responded with,"I'm going to climb the tree," and puffed his chest out a little and marched forward.
"Well, that's stupid," Peter said incredulous of the claim. "You'wr gunna fall just like Wobewrt did."
"You're saying Robert's a liar," Joey asked not believing Peter for a second. What would a fifth grader know anyway, Joey thought.
"I saw it," Peter said and then added, "and Wobert only got up like five feet and slipped all the way down and cwied like a baby." Peter smiled remembering the scene.
"Bullshit, what do you know," Joey said as he continued to march down the sidewalk.
Peter said, "whatevewr," and rolled away up the street.
Joey continued his walk until he reached the crest of the hill and at the top he stopped, pulled his sunglasses off and stared at it. The tree sat at the bottom of the hill nestled to the side of the road in an abandoned field standing in stark contrast to the otherwise desolate lot. It's lush green branches stretched up to the sky beckoning the sun and rain to nourish it's expansion and it called to Joey. To climb it's heights was to tame an ancient creature and have your name live on in infamy. Joey put his glasses back on and continued down the street.
Halfway down the hill another neighborhood child saw Joey walking down the road, in his resolute form, and became curious. Brad Pendleton was 11 and Brad liked an adventure. He rushed out of the the house and in no time was following Joey grilling him about what he was doing and why.
Brad jumped up and down along the sidewalk and asked, "Whatcha doing? Are ya goin to play in the lot? You're not goin to climb the tree are ya?" At this, Joey turned his head indicating that he was indeed going to climb the tree but he had no time to talk about it. Brad started to leap higher and higher and rubbed his hands together and said, "Oh, yeah! That's awesome. I wanna see this." Brad narrowly missed a mail box and continued, "You can do it, Joey. I know you can. Awesome."
The two boys continued down the street toward the vacant lot and as they stepped off the sidewalk and into the sandy lot they slowed to watch their steps. The lot was surrounded by chain link fences and trash was strewn about the area holding unknown dangers. One kid from school said the lot was covered in needles and broken glass but from Joey's perspective it was just kinda gross. Both boys still watched their steps and as they approached the base of the massive tree a boy and girl came from behind it with sticks and stones.
"What do you think you're doing," the boy said hitting his stick against his hand. He was Billy Conley, an eighth grader, and the girl was his younger, but meaner, sister, Brenda. She threw a rock at Brad who quickly dodged it and bounced behind Joey.
"I'm gunna climb the tree," Joey said trying his best not to look scared even though he was. The Conley's were bad people, his mom always said but he was determined to climb the tree.
"Bullshit, you are. Not without payin the toll," Brenda said stepping toward Joey and holding her hand out. She looked at Brad and spit in his direction and then reiterated, "money, dumbshit," looking at Joey.
"No," Joey said, but immediately regretted it when Brenda punched him in the gut.
"Not how it works," she said smiling.
"OK, OK," Joey said and pulled out the two cards from his pocket. He handed them to the girl who took them over to Billy. The two siblings looked at the cards, looked at Joey, looked back at the cards and then walked up to Joey together. Joey took a step back but stopped when he bumped into Brad who was standing too close.
"Where did you get these," Billy asked Joey, holding up the limited edition Mew Star Delta Series and Weezing Pokemon cards.
"None of your business," Joey responded hoping that would nullify the bullies.
"Alright, go ahead. Fall from the tree. See if we care," Brenda said and they parted ways to let the boys pass.
Joey and Brad stepped a few feet forward until they were a foot away from the tree and they both looked up.
"Doesn't look so bad," Brad said encouraging Joey, even though he knew he would certainly not attempt it himself.
Joey looked at Brad, nodded and then began his trek up the tree. He wedged his left foot into a crevice and raised himself up onto the first set of branches, pressing himself snugly to the trunk. He looked straight up and stepped up onto another branch and continued to pull himself up always looking at the next branch above. The higher he climbed the more he began the feel the tree sway back and forth causing him to take more time with each decision. Before long he was ten, fifteen and then finally he was twenty feet up the tree near the top. He stopped when the branches began so thin that moving up farther would be impossible and he looked out at the world from his perch.
Ahead he could see the expansiveness of his neighborhood and beyond were more sprawling endless neighborhoods stretching toward the haze of the city in the distance. All around the pavement continued and the houses never stopped. He could see the pools, play-sets and barbecues in the backyards. He could see people washing their cars and arguing with each other three blocks away but when he turned around he couldn't see his house. All he could see was an ever expanding landscape of hills, houses and patches of dessert.
Only when he looked down did the full weight of his actions hit him. He began to see the branches below spinning around the trunk as the tree itself began to twist and turn. With closed eyes he held tightly to the tree and when he opened them he could see a boy, on a bike, watching from up the block. It was Peter Baker looking up into the tree with awe and when he saw Joey looking his way he waved and then rode off down the street. Joey pulled out his knife and began to carve into the tree. He gingerly scraped out "JDG" on the side of the old bark and just as he was trying to fold the blade back it slipped from his hand and fell straight toward the earth.
Joey looked down and was shocked to see Brenda and Billy sitting on the lowest tree limbs right below him. He closed his eyes in terror and when he opened them he was relieved to see the knife sticking up in a tree limb just a foot above the girl's head. Then he made his way down the tree, gingerly feeling around with his foot as it dangled to find each new branch. Halfway down Brad and the others looked up to see Joey holding on with only his two hands, his feet kicking against the trunk but before he slipped they watched as Joey's foot found a branch and he was safe again. Soon enough he hung from a low branch a few feet off the ground and heaved himself off, landing on the dry dirt with what Joey could only imagine was a flourish befitting a gymnast.
On the ground he was greeted by Brad's praises and the two siblings looking at him in a way that indicated a reluctant but genuine respect. Joey walked home that day with Brad bouncing behind him and Peter following along side. They talked about how epic it all was and how he would be famous at school. Joey was filled with a sense of accomplishment and poise and had a smile as vast as the sprawling landscape he saw from atop the tree. The three parted ways one by one until Joey was at his door and when he opened the door to his house he was greeted by his mom sitting on the couch looking over at him with a concerned look.
"Jordan can't make it tonight," she said. "He has to work late and he said he's really sorry," she continued and stood up to comfort Joey. She hugged him and said, "I'm sorry Joey. I know you were looking forward to Jordan coming to your birthday but he has important work to do."
Joey pushed her away and ran to his room slamming the door as he entered. He fell on his bed and lay there for a few minutes thinking about what kind of a jerk says they will be at your party and doesn't show up. Why didn't Jordan want to come to his party, he thought. Joey wanted to tell him about the tree and how he climbed all the way to the top. He wanted to tell him about the knife, because Jordan wouldn't be mad or tell his mom about the knife and about the beautiful sight from the very top. Joey was mad but as he remembered his climb he remembered how he felt before he had walked in the door and he sat up in his bed. He was beginning to feel better and in the corner of the room he noticed the orange tip of his Nerf Auto-Blaster 3000.
Joey jumped off the bed and pulled the gun away from the mess of clothes and toys and examined it. On his dresser were a few Nerf bullets and he loaded the gun and looked around mischievously. He opened the door slowly and crouched down as he entered the hallway surveying the area for hostiles. His ears pricked up when he heard his sister talking of the phone in her room down the hall. He slowly made his way to her open doorway and looked inside. She didn't notice him until the Nerf bullet hit her in the side of the cheek.
"Oh my god," she screamed. "It's my stupid brother, just a second", she said and threw the phone on the bed. She turned and ran at Joey who turned down the hall running and calling for his mother. In the living room Jemma found Joey hiding behind his mom who was protecting him from her wrath.
"It's his birthday Jemma, leave him alone," June said sternly.
"Fine," Jemma said. "But I'll get you," she added and then smiled. Joey came around from behind his mom, with his head down, dropped the gun on the floor and gave Jemma a long hug.
Joey looked up at Jemma and asked, "Can I tell you about the tree?"
"Of course," she said.
"Oh, I wanna hear about the tree too," June said with enthusiasm.
June and Jemma sat on the couch and listened intently as Joey recounted his adventure taming the giant tree.
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