Who's Playing Cards Right Now?

While sitting across from my brother at a picnic table in a rural campground in Oregon we discussed free will. At one point, mid circular logic loop, I looked down at my hands and tried to imagine that it was all due to prior states and that no agent was responsible for the actions "I" was witnessing. That there might not be a "me" inside. That "I" is just a name for an observer with no real control over anything. If this is true then "who" was playing cards? The universe? I don't think so.

I think that I was playing cards because both "I" and anyone who would watch me would also say "I" was playing cards. "I" is not only the current contemplation of the present and subconscious analyzation of incoming stimulus, it is also the conglomeration of developing cells communicating, learning, recalling and developing. With consciousness, the ideal self is developed and conceptualized, and becomes refined and altered over time as biology and environment shape the mind, the mind also shapes the mind. The mind is part of the body and just as one arm can chop off the other the mind acts to integrate new information, such as the desire to quit smoking, from consciousness to subconsciousness. Focusing on a goal and training the body through repetition and experience the ideal self can be slowly but surely realized over time.

SO, does this mean that I trained myself to play cards in the woods with my brother? I think so. I think that I used my physical brain to reach out into the physical world in the same way that the world reaches out to effect my brain. I knew that being out in the woods and talking with my brother would effect my body and mind in a way that I imagined would increase my perception of peace and happiness. So I decided to go and do those things both consciously and subconsciously.

Assuming that the mind is unable to effect the body and the outside world through the body is to assume the mind is nonphysical and passive like the liver. Just ingesting the world and spitting out perception. If the mind is a computer then consciousness is a programmer making subtle and significant changes to the code. Adjusting toward an ideal is what free will is all about. It's about being able to see two outcomes and deciding that one is better than the other based on internal values.

It seems that determinism is a bottom up approach to explaining physical forces and free will is a top down approach. I am not sure why we can't have both. It is in the midst of physics the conscious mind appears and stretches out to shape the future.

https://youtu.be/xxo-GA6WUZA

Drinking And Driving Is Not Funny: Preaching to the Choir

While most would agree that reckless driving is a bad practice I wanted to express some feeling about the topic of drinking and driving.

Recently I listened to a podcast where a man flippantly announced his love for driving drunk. My first reaction was that this person must be joking but at no point did they qualify the comment. They said that drinking and driving is a myth and intimated that it isn't a problem. He said that driving about 7 beers in is great fun. "It's like a video game," he said. This is immature and reckless. 

I certainly do not care if you drink or if you put yourself at risk but when you put other people at risk because of a delusional perspective that you're fine while intoxicated by alcohol is dangerous. I can not respect a person who neglects science, real world statistics and decent morality because they think it's fun to drive drunk. Many things are fun to do but when you put my friends, family and myself in danger I have a problem. 

I recognize that individual effects vary and that many people can drink a beer or so and be fine drivers. To not take simple steps to avoid harming other people because of personal inconvenience is immoral.  It's like running around a mall with a spear in front of you like a jouster and you may get away with it many times but that one time you aren't quick enough to swerve and impale someone. I don't know who would accept the "It's like a video game" argument as justification. Cars are dangerous in the hands of people who are focused and alert and to pretend that alcohol doesn't negatively effect reaction and judgement is diluted. 

Even if half of the deaths attributed to drunk drivers are actually due to other variables there are still way too many people dying from an easily avoided individual decision to drive drunk. If one person drives drunk and kills one person because of it they are responsible for that death. Not being responsible or acknowledging the truth is no excuse for causing harm to others. I don't give drunk adults a pass when they create children and I won't give adults a pass for potentially killing others because they want to have fun. 

Stats:

http://www.cdc.gov/motorvehiclesafety/impaired_driving/impaired-drv_factsheet.html

Intoxication Effects Charts:

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=52905

http://www.brad21.org/bac_charts.html

P.S.
While actually drinking and driving is not funny that doesn't mean joking around about it can't be. Nothing should be off limits for comedy but seriously endorsing drunk driving is wrong.

Breadth & Depth

I couldn't sleep. I had something interesting inside my head and it had to be let loose. In the dark I turned over and found my phone.  A bright light illuminated my face and my eyes squinted. I got on the blogger app and typed in the one thing that would remind me of my thread. I write "Breadth and Depth". The next day I see the note and have no idea what this means.

Abstinence: Why I'm Not Voting

When it comes to the upcoming 2016 presidential election I can say that I am not planning on voting. I could argue that Hilary is a liar or that Trump is a joke but anyone who thinks these two are the best choice for the leader of anything are kidding themselves. These people are horrible and not worth the attention they are given. I wouldn't hire them if they were the only candidates and it seems that they are. Instead of going into tedious detail outlining the hypocrisy and corruption of two idiots, I will expound upon some common arguments against my position.

One inane argument I hear is that if someone doesn't vote they can't complain which is ridiculous. A person is born into a political system and if that system is corrupt, incompetent, or otherwise undesirable then that person has every right to both criticize that system and abstain from participating in elements of that system that they find morally reprehensible. If freedom is important then the freedom to abstain must be an option. When force is involved freedom is diminished and at the extremes, abolished altogether. Those who stifle free speech are purveyors of oppression.

“I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long time ago. The shit they shovel around every 4 years *pfff* doesn't mean a fucking thing. Secondly, I believe if you vote, you have no right to complain. People like to twist that around – they say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain', but where's the logic in that? If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. I, on the other hand, who did not vote, who in fact did not even leave the house on election day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done and have every right to complain about the mess you created that I had nothing to do with.”   -George Carlin

Another argument is the "lesser of two evils" argument. This has some logic to it because if someone is inevitably going to become president then it makes sense to acquiesce to the system and make a small contribution to whom you think will cause the least amount of harm. This is a consequentialist position and might be the right way to go assuming the assessment of evil is correct. I do not believe that this position is morally superior to abstaining, especially if the system and candidates are so corrupt that voting for either candidate is siding with an evil. Just because someone says it is a lesser evil isn't much consolation. When it comes to putting my name behind a person that has power over others, I will not back someone whom I deem corrupt no matter the outcome. Sometimes doing the right thing means not doing anything at all.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ― Edmund Burke

I am not apathetic but I am pessimistic about the ability of politicians to do the right thing. While I care about the policies and power systems that affect the lives of the people I care about including myself I don't think that the government that I was born into is in any way rational, moral or effective. I think it is what it is made of; many self serving monsters.   

So, why not vote for a third party? To this I would say,"what's the point?" While it might be a way to skirt the social stigma of not voting at all, it is still adding credibility to the system as a whole. It says,"I want a president." And I don't want a president, especially one that says one thing before an election and then is woefully inept at enacting positive change due to the structure they would be in if they won, which they won't. No third party candidate will win so it is out of sheer optimism and self righteousness that one votes for a third party. 

Another thing. I reserve the right to change my mind. With more information, evidence and convincing arguments I may choose to alter my opinion on this matter and any other. Too many hold fast to bad ideas because of ignorance, corruption or cowardliness. We should all have the wisdom and humility to admit that we may not know or may be wrong and I may be wrong. But so might you. For me, the most important thing is freedom and the freedom to choose whom and what I put my name on defines my moral character. 

If you think it is moral to vote then you should vote but maybe your outrage should match the weight and consequence of your actual influence. One vote when filtered through the electoral college is diluted of nearly all it's power. The government is a massive power hungry machine and the president is only one part of the puzzle. If no one voted this year do you think there wouldn't be a president? I bet it would be business as usual at the White House. 

Thanks for reading!

P.S.

Great leadership doesn't need to force itself on you because it attracts those willing to follow. Great leaders seeks wisdom from those around them and admits fault when it is due. A great leader inspires respect because they give it to those that deserve it. The standard for those we put above ourselves should be high and our outrage should be at those that would impinge on our freedoms.


When was the last time a third part candidate won?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_third_party_performances_in_United_States_presidential_elections

George Carlin on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxsQ7jJJcEA

Quote Sources:

http://thinkexist.com/quotation/i-don-t-vote-two-reasons-first-of-all-it-s/761194.html


http://www.openculture.com/2016/03/edmund-burkeon-in-action.html

Sacrifice Self for Service

I spent the last six years working for a large electronics retailer and most of that time was as a Store Manager. In the last year I worked there they changed the title to Store Leader to try to infuse some ownership or enthusiasm into the role. The company was constantly changing terms, role definitions and performance evaluation standards in an effort to create impactful "cultural" changes but it mostly led to inconsistency and confusion. Frequently redefining evaluative tools, job descriptions and philosophies indicates a lack of central vision and understanding of psychology. Ambiguity and inconsistency muddy the waters of an organization's central goals and frustrates managers.

While I can go on about this company as a whole it was really the day to day operations and interactions with customers and the corporate structure that weighed on me year after year slowly but surely embittering me toward retail in general.

One of the main reasons I left was a growing feeling of stagnation and sometimes regression. A few years into my time there they created a leadership scoring system from 0-5, where 0 was about the be fired and 5 was about to be promoted to district manager, but the language for determining these levels was too broad and could be interpreted in different ways and it ended up being confusing and dis-empowering. By the end of the first year of implementation I had scrambled my way to level 3 which seemed appropriate and at least meant I was progressing and getting some kind of acknowledgement for my success and commitment.

I made it through the holiday season that year, made a ton of money for the company and worked extra hours with a new team. I had a few anxiety attacks as well as developing a general depression due to the stress and by the end of the year, like past years, I resolved to find something new as soon as possible. When the new year came around I found that I was starting over on the leadership system. I was back to level one and trying to reestablish the basics. Fine. But even after many months and conversations with my district manager I was not progressing. Was I really a lesser manager than the year before? Around this time I started seeing a therapist and when every conversation was about work I realized it couldn't last much longer.

My frustration with the system was leading to poor customer service on my part and after a few conversations with my district manager about it I felt like I was starting over every day. I had lost any enthusiasm for helping people and forgot what I was doing there. Then, one day, I remembered that we sold video games and my store was crushing sales goals. I sold entertainment to people and it should be fun so why did I feel so bad? I realized that the direction and perspective that my superior was offering me was not only demeaning but was simply wrong. I realized that when left to my own style of management my customers, my staff and my self were happier and more effective. I lost respect for the corporate system all together and accepted that it was not going to change and therefore I had to change.

Another reason I was getting fed up with my work was dealing with low-lifes and thieves. My store was essentially a pawn shop and operated under local second hand laws. Many of the customers that would try to sell their property were normal, intelligent people who didn't mind waiting to examine things and would accept the offer prescribed by the computer. Then there were the douchebags. People with brand new controllers that had never been touched and who didn't care that they were losing 60% value because everything is profit when it is stolen. Or people who just take their dirty, stinky stuff out from under their TV and bring it in all wrapped up in wires and wonder why it isn't worth much because it is covered in soda and old stickers.

Shop lifters and scammers were a constant issue and three days before my official last day I had my first snatch and grab. This 20 something white kid comes in and asks to buy two systems and some games. I was stupid enough the put the systems on the counter which is completely my fault. Then, when I ask him for an ID, he grabs the two systems and tries to run out. He fell backwards, dropping them on the floor and created a huge mess. I ran out from the counter and by then he was grabbing one of them and ran outside to a waiting SUV in the parking lot. He only got the one item but it was still very shocking. I should have never had the expensive items within arms reach but in six years I never thought it would happen to me. During my last two shifts I couldn't help but imagine every young man as a threat.

Dealing with the police was always pleasant enough but having to accept obviously stolen property because of discrimination policies was frustrating. I understand why they exist but sometimes it would have been nice to tell someone to fuck off and never come back. My boss would say, "What would you do if you owned your store?" and I can say I would have done things a bit differently. Such as getting rid of certain customers and using payroll more flexibly but I always tried to do what they wanted.

 Before I decided to quit I looked into the future and only saw myself becoming more and more bitter and depressed. The money was good but I was still living month to month, barely saving anything and it certainly wasn't worth the stress and lack of fulfillment. The longer I live and the more I listen to wizened elders I think that fulfillment in one's life and a feeling of accomplishment will lead to more self-esteem and happiness. Finding something that is self directed, creates value, allows for freedom of expression and is personally worth while is not easy but I don't think everyone needs a dream or calling to be successful. They just need a chance.

I think that sometimes taking a risk and venturing into the unknown is the only way to take the power back from those that would use you for your hard work and loyalty without truly caring about who you are. Feeling like an easily replaceable cog in a bloated corporate machine is a great way to sacrifice self for service but I wanted more. Maybe I'm delusional or narcissistic but there has to be more to life than selling video games for shareholders.

So, I quit. If I had stayed I would have had the biggest bonus to date, $1000 or more in free gaming swag and been given two awards for beating sales goals. But would it have been worth another holiday season? Another Black Friday and after Christmas sales? Would it have been worth the frustration and stress of trying to do everything I was told like a good manager? I don't think so. Nothing is worth feeling terrible when I have the luxury of choice and the knowledge that time is all I have. It wasn't a bad job and the company wasn't a bad company but it wasn't for me.

My brother offered me his garage and I moved in with him and his family a few weeks ago.  We are starting a business in media production and I miss my friends already. I moved far from the home I made in Eugene but I'm excited to learn something new, work hard, and try doing something creative and valuable. I am starting over and I don't know exactly what my future holds but I'm doing something for myself for a change and that is proving to be supremely liberating. I don't miss working there for a second.

Thanks for reading!

Sacrifice: Damsel de Paris

"NO!!!", a high pitched shriek pierced the night air.

I turned to see a woman running through an alley. Moments later three dark figures followed after. 

I ran up the street toward the commotion, turned up an alley, made another turn and another when suddenly I was struck in the shoulder hard. I looked down to find the most beautiful woman I had ever seen lying on the ground scrambling to get up. 

"Here," I said holding out my hand. "What's going on?"

"You have to help me," she said exhausted. "They are trying to kill me!"

As she took my hand I felt the softness of her skin and when she stood her face was right in front of mine. In the light of the streetlamps and the moon I paused as her eyes peered into mine with ultimate vulnerability. 

After a moment I managed, "why?"

"They think I did something I didn't do." She said exasperated, frantically scanning the surroundings.

Just then I heard footsteps smashing through puddles nearby. 

"Go, I'll hold them off." I said motioning for her to run the other way. 

"Thank you so much." She said as she turned to run.

"Wait!" I said as she started away. "What's your name?"

"Luna." She said with a smile and then turned, disappearing into the night.

I stood and readied myself for whatever was to come. I had to weapons, other than my fists, but that would have to do. The footsteps grew louder and louder and soon were joined by gruff mutterings. 

Three men stood inches from my face with evil scowls and ugly mugs. 

"Get out of ze way." The ugliest one said in a thick French accent as he pulled a large handgun from behind his back. 

"Never." I said calmly. 

In an instant I was pummeling the one with the gun in the face and stomach. As he lurched back I elbowed the second man's face sending blood into the air. I dropped to my knees ducking the third one's right swing and jabbed at his groin striking his reproductive potential into a new time zone. Just as I turned I felt a hard thud to my shoulder and another to the back. I slumped onto the wet pavement writhing in agony. 

I recovered myself and as I looked up from my knelt position I saw the unmistakable circular hole of a revolver barrel pointed straight at my forehead. Before I could blink or scream there was only a flash of light. The bullet went straight through my skull and as the camera zoomed out I could see my lifeless avatar lying face down in the muddy streets of Paris. 

"SACRIFICE" The screen said boldly as the beautiful young woman's face began to take over the frame.

Looking longingly into my face she said "Thank you." 

And for a moment it was real. 

I took the visor off my head and glared into the dimly lit room of my apartment. As my eyes adjusted to the light I scanned the dingy room. Nothing different but the smile on my face.