Don't Get Caught Up: A Retail Perspective

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Don't get caught up in other people's emotions. Customers and coworkers will often times act as if they are in the midst of an emergency when they are not. Or they will act childish or rude. Or they will act as if you are the only one who can help them. This is almost never an accurate depiction of their situation. They might be trying to manipulate you into giving them a price break or, worse, they simply have no control over their emotions. Having empathy and sympathy is helpful in understanding and communicating with customers but getting wrapped up in their emotional states means that you stop being in control of your own autonomy and you can unconsciously take on their emotions. If this happens you can find yourself anxious, angry, fearful, hyperactive or otherwise mirroring someone else's emotions unnecessarily. 

When you're in an emotional state that inhibits your ability to look at a situation rationally you will not be able to think around the problem and solve it. Many times there might be no immediate solution available and you end up wasting a lot of time attempting to calm someone down or explain something when you really need to move on in a way that is direct and professional. Sometimes it is important to restart the conversation by explaining what is happening in an effort to regain control of your own participation in the interaction. Being honest about what you think they are expecting or what you think you can do for them can help stop the momentum of an interaction in an effort to lead it back on track to finding a resolution. 

This reminds me of the leadership principle of detachment from the book "Extreme Ownership" by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. The concept of detachment is very important in retail as you represent a company that's goal is to sell products and create loyalty; not to have emotionally driven conversations with people who aren't interested in buying products or who think that it is appropriate to spew their problems onto you because you're obligated to interact with them.

If you have self-respect and maintain a professional demeanor you will not allow situations with customers to get heated or derailed too far. If a customer or coworker becomes abusive or disrespectful then it is up to you to hold them accountable and let them know that you do not accept that kind of behavior. 

I remember a time when I had to stop a customer from yelling at me and assert myself in order to regain control of the situation. I was working at a movie theater and part-way through a screening the projector malfunctioned and the speakers started making a loud screeching sound, disturbing many of the customers. I was a manager at the time and as I started issuing apologies and raincheck tickets I had an older man start to scream at me about how the sound hurt his ears and how angry he was, which was obvious. I listened for a few moments and then had to respectfully but assertively explain to the customer that I would not be able to do anything for them unless they stopped yelling. I told them that I understood that they were upset but that I would not allow them to continue to berate me. My tone and demeanor must have communicated my seriousness as the man stopped screaming and I was able to issue them compensation. 

One of the best things one can do in a situation where others are being excessively emotional is to be calm and to listen. Allowing someone to vent for a moment can be instructive but at a certain point, you must reestablish your authority and explain what you will do next. As an employee of any business, you are in charge of dictating what will and won't, can and can't happen for someone that is having an issue. Sometimes, this means explaining that you are not the best person to help them, which is another reason to not let a conversation linger too long without interrupting. Upset customers become more upset if they find that they stood in the wrong line or ranted and raved to the wrong person. By listening and remaining calm you can get straight to the matter and come up with a solution. 

It is also important to explain the process that you are using to solve a problem. If you come up with an idea to solve a problem you should not just enact the solution without letting the customer know. By explaining step by step what you are about to do or what you think will help you allow the customer to join you in the pursuit and show that you are on their side. Leaving them in silence or without knowing what you are doing creates confusion and may lead to them thinking that you have abandoned them. If they think this or think that you are incompetent then they will look somewhere else and usually with more fuel for their anger. 

All of this does not mean you should not have fun conversations with customers and coworkers, but even when you are generating rapport you should be able to detach and get a sense of whether you need to complete the sale or if you have time to continue the conversation or if you need to address something else. There might be something going on that requires your assistance. You may be able to simply tell a nearby customer where a product can be found. Taking a few seconds to check out your environment can help you stay detached and make you able to react to new situations.

Stay calm and pay attention. This is not easy and it takes a certain amount of discipline and control to maintain. It requires observing yourself in the moment and recognizing what is happening, both inside yourself and in the environment around you. It also means looking back at your decisions with criticism and objectivity. There are times when I have failed to maintain my composure or made a bad decision and it is in those times that I look back and try to prepare for the future. By accepting failures, owning them and looking to others for guidance I have grown better at dealing with the ups and downs of life, in and out of the retail environment. 

A New Way to Govern: The Presidential Triangle

What would happen if we just elected both of them?
If 40% of Americans support each candidate then electing both would satisfy 80% of Americans, right? Probably not because people are insane but if the American people believe these two are qualified then wouldn't the best outcome be to elect both and force them to work together for the people?

If they can't work together then they aren't working for the American people, they are working for themselves. The people shouldn't care about the specific person anyway, but in the job they will do. It's not as if the president is a dictator and can simply do whatever they want so a dual presidency would add a level of balance both of power and of opinion. Shouldn't these people be paragons of cooperation and negotiation anyway? If they are then their work would be the outcome of balanced problem solving and they could hold each other accountable to what the other side of the aisle wants.


We should get rid of the GOP and DNC and have the American people vote on their top three choices for president. The top two become co-presidents and the third candidate would become the vice-president. It would be a triangle of decision making.

If nothing else this kind of experiment in governance would be entertaining, which seems like what the American people really want. The mainstream media is already a freak show so why not put the two freaks together and film the process?

 I am not sure if this has been tried in other countries or if it would tear the universe apart but I think change is important.

Or just not hire either and move their responsibilities to the people or to the other branches of the government. Shouldn't the general public be part of the checks and balances in a more defined and effective way? Governmental experimentation, with the goal of creating more accountability and effectiveness, should be valued to those who want change. 

Sacrifice Self for Service

I spent the last six years working for a large electronics retailer and most of that time was as a Store Manager. In the last year I worked there they changed the title to Store Leader to try to infuse some ownership or enthusiasm into the role. The company was constantly changing terms, role definitions and performance evaluation standards in an effort to create impactful "cultural" changes but it mostly led to inconsistency and confusion. Frequently redefining evaluative tools, job descriptions and philosophies indicates a lack of central vision and understanding of psychology. Ambiguity and inconsistency muddy the waters of an organization's central goals and frustrates managers.

While I can go on about this company as a whole it was really the day to day operations and interactions with customers and the corporate structure that weighed on me year after year slowly but surely embittering me toward retail in general.

One of the main reasons I left was a growing feeling of stagnation and sometimes regression. A few years into my time there they created a leadership scoring system from 0-5, where 0 was about the be fired and 5 was about to be promoted to district manager, but the language for determining these levels was too broad and could be interpreted in different ways and it ended up being confusing and dis-empowering. By the end of the first year of implementation I had scrambled my way to level 3 which seemed appropriate and at least meant I was progressing and getting some kind of acknowledgement for my success and commitment.

I made it through the holiday season that year, made a ton of money for the company and worked extra hours with a new team. I had a few anxiety attacks as well as developing a general depression due to the stress and by the end of the year, like past years, I resolved to find something new as soon as possible. When the new year came around I found that I was starting over on the leadership system. I was back to level one and trying to reestablish the basics. Fine. But even after many months and conversations with my district manager I was not progressing. Was I really a lesser manager than the year before? Around this time I started seeing a therapist and when every conversation was about work I realized it couldn't last much longer.

My frustration with the system was leading to poor customer service on my part and after a few conversations with my district manager about it I felt like I was starting over every day. I had lost any enthusiasm for helping people and forgot what I was doing there. Then, one day, I remembered that we sold video games and my store was crushing sales goals. I sold entertainment to people and it should be fun so why did I feel so bad? I realized that the direction and perspective that my superior was offering me was not only demeaning but was simply wrong. I realized that when left to my own style of management my customers, my staff and my self were happier and more effective. I lost respect for the corporate system all together and accepted that it was not going to change and therefore I had to change.

Another reason I was getting fed up with my work was dealing with low-lifes and thieves. My store was essentially a pawn shop and operated under local second hand laws. Many of the customers that would try to sell their property were normal, intelligent people who didn't mind waiting to examine things and would accept the offer prescribed by the computer. Then there were the douchebags. People with brand new controllers that had never been touched and who didn't care that they were losing 60% value because everything is profit when it is stolen. Or people who just take their dirty, stinky stuff out from under their TV and bring it in all wrapped up in wires and wonder why it isn't worth much because it is covered in soda and old stickers.

Shop lifters and scammers were a constant issue and three days before my official last day I had my first snatch and grab. This 20 something white kid comes in and asks to buy two systems and some games. I was stupid enough the put the systems on the counter which is completely my fault. Then, when I ask him for an ID, he grabs the two systems and tries to run out. He fell backwards, dropping them on the floor and created a huge mess. I ran out from the counter and by then he was grabbing one of them and ran outside to a waiting SUV in the parking lot. He only got the one item but it was still very shocking. I should have never had the expensive items within arms reach but in six years I never thought it would happen to me. During my last two shifts I couldn't help but imagine every young man as a threat.

Dealing with the police was always pleasant enough but having to accept obviously stolen property because of discrimination policies was frustrating. I understand why they exist but sometimes it would have been nice to tell someone to fuck off and never come back. My boss would say, "What would you do if you owned your store?" and I can say I would have done things a bit differently. Such as getting rid of certain customers and using payroll more flexibly but I always tried to do what they wanted.

 Before I decided to quit I looked into the future and only saw myself becoming more and more bitter and depressed. The money was good but I was still living month to month, barely saving anything and it certainly wasn't worth the stress and lack of fulfillment. The longer I live and the more I listen to wizened elders I think that fulfillment in one's life and a feeling of accomplishment will lead to more self-esteem and happiness. Finding something that is self directed, creates value, allows for freedom of expression and is personally worth while is not easy but I don't think everyone needs a dream or calling to be successful. They just need a chance.

I think that sometimes taking a risk and venturing into the unknown is the only way to take the power back from those that would use you for your hard work and loyalty without truly caring about who you are. Feeling like an easily replaceable cog in a bloated corporate machine is a great way to sacrifice self for service but I wanted more. Maybe I'm delusional or narcissistic but there has to be more to life than selling video games for shareholders.

So, I quit. If I had stayed I would have had the biggest bonus to date, $1000 or more in free gaming swag and been given two awards for beating sales goals. But would it have been worth another holiday season? Another Black Friday and after Christmas sales? Would it have been worth the frustration and stress of trying to do everything I was told like a good manager? I don't think so. Nothing is worth feeling terrible when I have the luxury of choice and the knowledge that time is all I have. It wasn't a bad job and the company wasn't a bad company but it wasn't for me.

My brother offered me his garage and I moved in with him and his family a few weeks ago.  We are starting a business in media production and I miss my friends already. I moved far from the home I made in Eugene but I'm excited to learn something new, work hard, and try doing something creative and valuable. I am starting over and I don't know exactly what my future holds but I'm doing something for myself for a change and that is proving to be supremely liberating. I don't miss working there for a second.

Thanks for reading!

Treating Employees with Respect

In my time as a store manager I strived to be the kind of boss that people wanted to work for. When an employee comes to work and feel like they are part of a team that cares not only about the success of the business but about the success of the individual as well they work harder, stay longer, pitch in when needed and stay happier. Here are some not so easy concepts that I am mindful of when on the clock. While this mainly applies to bosses at the store level these tips can help anyone interested contributing to a respectful workplace. 

Be Honest:
Being honest and candid with employees is important. Letting an employee know the real you allows them to reveal their real self, which leads to more trust and more connection. I would often break the facade of "polite customer service agent" when alone, in the back room or in a meeting to give my real opinion about something. I would be honest about how I felt about a conference call, e-mail or customer in order to humanize myself.

Also, be honest about your decision making process. Explain the pros and cons of decisions and ask for input. I would often ask employees what they would do to solve a problem and either offer alternatives or let them go with it. Conversely, like the shoe, I would simply solve the problem in the best way I knew how without input but then follow up with the employee later to ask them about the solution and it's effectiveness and potential alternatives. 

Do the Work:
Only when you work harder than everyone and are willing to do any task you can you expect others to do the same. My least favorite thing to hear another store manager giggle about is how they make new employees clean the toilet. I can see testing employees but making them do it because you don't want to or because you're the boss is disrespectful. Clean the toilet yourself and when people notice that it is important to you they will either do it on their own or have no excuse not to. Do the work that needs to get done and excuses will fall away. No one respects a hypocrite and a hypocrite respects no one.

No Excuses:
Take responsibility and admit when you screwed up. If you want people to be honest with you you have to be honest with them. A little humility can go a long way. Looking in the mirror instead of blaming others sets a precedent of integrity, honesty and self ownership that extends to everyone on staff.

Be Ethical:
Store managers must create an environment of safety, inclusion, and high ethical standards in order to protect the store, employees and themselves. By taking an unambiguous stance on harassment, discrimination and following important policies is the best way to maintain and protect the people that matter the most. Setting a tone of seriousness when policy violations occur and holding people accountable via HR procedures ensures that white lies do not turn into HR nightmares, or worse, legal action. Knowing the rules inside and out and making sure employees know how to report issues and solve problems will help foster a culture of respect and fairness on all sides.

Creating a culture that engenders respect on all sides requires honesty, hard work, humility and ethics and starts at the top. Respecting employees means respecting their intelligence, humanity and individualism. I believe respect can only be earned and like any relationship it is a two way street. Treat people better than you want to be treated (especially if you're a masochist) and you'll be surprised at the results.

Thanks for reading!

Some Notes on Conference Calls

We have conference calls once a week. They are a good time to check twitter, facebook, tinder, back to twitter, back to facebook, play solitaire, text people, watch a youtube video with no sound... You get it. Every once in a while there is a piece of important information that I write down but if I don't a thorough set of notes will show up in my e-mail an hour or so later making any notes unnecessary.

Sometimes my boss just drones on for minutes about how we are failing to "Set ourselves up for success," or ask "What plans do you have for saturday's event," followed by 35 seconds of silence before someone chimes in with blather about "making it fun," or "putting up streamers." Generally boring shit. Genuine but boring. So, as someone who has listened in on hundreds of monotonous conference calls and wasted hundreds of hours, here are some ideas to mix it up and keep people engaged.

1. Take role quickly but if someone is not there don't take time to find them. They knew about the call and if they miss the information that is on them. Don't waste the groups time finding people who aren't there. They may jump on later or they have better things to do. If you are concerned call them to follow up after the call.

2. Have a goal. Retail is fast paced and there is a lot to do. A conference call should be important and for a purpose. If it can be sent in an e-mail then send it in an e-mail.

3. Set a time limit and stick to it. Let the group know how long to expect the call to go beforehand and if you say it will take half an hour then make sure to get what you need done in that time.

4. Encourage participation and not from the same 4 people. Everyone's perspective can be instructive to the group and a chance to learn. Call on people to talk. Switch up presenters if they are a regular part of the call.

5. Ask questions that facilitate conversations such as:
-"What are your focused goals this week ...insert name here..."
-"How can we maximize customer satisfaction?"
-"Do you think that ...insert practice here... is working? Why or why not?"

6. Call it off sometimes if there isn't anything important that requires a group discussion. Or because people are busy or just because you want to give them a little extra time to focus on other important activities.

7. Sometimes, instead of the call make individual appointments in person or on the phone to discuss important matters or just to congratulate a job well done.

8. Follow up with people on a one on one basis to check for comprehension and general effectiveness of the call. Was it helpful? Did they get something out of it?

9.  Be positive and uplifting. Compliment successful results and actions. Thank people regularly. Remember this isn't life or death and everyone wants to succeed.

Human Behavior: A Retail Perspective

When I watch people and try to understand the motivations and underlying psychological processes involved in everyday stupidity I am often baffled and frustrated by the seemingly obvious yet complete absence of common sense, logic, reasoning and simple observation in others. People, and I am sure I am guilty of plenty of stupidity, do the most ridiculous things in economic environments. Both customers and employees can often make even the simplest task superbly arduous.

I am not going to bore you with a list of examples of ridiculously stupid things people do while trying to navigate a merchant's wares because I have no doubt that you can come up with a half a dozen before you finish reading this sentence. You might be thinking of a time when a customer asked you where they might find the thing that is right in front of them, or asking you if your product is alphabetized when even a quick and rudimentary test of this hypothesis would instantly answer the question, or said it is illegal to not have a display item in stock. So, instead I will make a list of the variables I try to remember when I have my wits about me and stave off the inclination to scream.

1. People are stupid.
If 50% of people in the general public are below average cognitive abilities, as scored by a variety of IQ tests, then 50% of people are simply not working with the required equipment to make the kind of economic and practical decisions afforded them. For example, people will get insurance on something that worth a small amount and not on something worth a much larger amount because the smaller number is less money not more valuable. But it is the more expensive item that will be more expensive to replace and for the most part a smarter person won't get insurance on something they plan on taking care of anyway. They trust that they can manage their environment successfully and mitigate the risks. A lesser intelligent person does not think rationally about the future but relies on an instinct about the here and now. This is a generalization and may not apply to everyone but it certainly is something I think about when trying to understand human behavior.

2. People are Ego managers
People are often times very concerned with maintaining a perspective of themselves that is completely positive. Telling them they are wrong or explaining a deficiency in their thinking sparks defensive maneuvers and they may lash out, or retract entirely, imagining you as an attacker. They may bolster their claims with unwarranted certainty or hurl accusations. Or, even before speaking to them they will attempt to dominate the conversation with demands either veiled in awkward levity or aggressive expectation. Most people haven't taken a hard look at their flaws and assumptions about themselves enough to go through the world with humble curiosity. Is that so crazy to expect?

3. People do not see things from other perspectives
People often times are incapable of seeing things from another's perspective. When they see someone that works somewhere they see them as a means to their end. They see them as a tool to do as they desire. (This is partly a product of the modern corporation bending over backwards for years for customers that do not deserve courtesy.) Many people have never worked in a customer service field, with other people directly, or understand how businesses work and many people, in the general public, have really never had a job. They've never been someone who serves others so their empathy is not informed by this experience.

4. Some people are genuinely mentally handicapped
Sometimes I encounter people on the cusp of judgement between thinking they are a deliberately obtuse individual or they might genuinely need my help. It takes a moment of often times my frustration is relieved when I come to realize that this person isn't being a jerk but simply needs a bit of assistance. They do not have the social or cognitive skills to be perfectly polite or understand that I am busy with something else. This is actually a wonderful thing to happen because then I can't blame them for my frustration, I can only blame myself for not being patient.

5. Lastly, (for now), I choose to be here
I am not a slave to my job and choose to go everyday knowing that I will encounter an assortment of inane and sometimes insane people. This is my doing and I should remember this above all else. I choose to look at everyone as if they are time bombs of unpredictable behavior and potentially dangerous intent. I should remember that my own defenses and judgments inform my thoughts and can rule my emotions. I should remember that I can, if I want, simply leave and go take a walk up a mountain if it becomes too much to handle. I have to ask myself if the money is worth the internal turmoil? And if it isn't then I should act, not act out.