I hadn't taken psychedelic mushrooms in a long time for many reasons but mostly because I was afraid of having a bad experience. I wrote a blog post a while back about two experiences I had with large amounts of magic mushrooms. One experience was great and one was horrible so when thinking about taking mushrooms again I always worried about having another bad experience. Earlier this year, though, I decided to try them again but in a more deliberate way. Another reason to take less is that mushrooms can make you vomit or have diarrhea and that didn't seem like a pleasant experience, especially out in the woods. I decided to microdose instead of taking a larger amount and just see what happens.
On a couple of backpacking and camping trips that I went on earlier this year, I brought along some mushrooms. I brought enough to take a large dose but I didn't want to create unnecessary anxiety in a place that I knew I was already going to feel anxious. Sleeping in a tent in the forest provokes a lot of anxiety for me regardless of whether I'm alone or not and whether I'm in a campground or not. When I lay down in the dark my mind goes to work creating a series of fear-inducing imaginings and contemplations. I usually just accept the situation and try to convince myself that I'm ok and that I'm being irrational.
The total amount of anxiety has gone down over the years with continued backing and camping trips but I still experience fear. Sometimes I just wait until I am completely exhausted or drunk but that isn't always preferred and I don't want to always rely on self-medication to deal with my negative mental states. That being said I decided to try some mushrooms this year to see if it would add to my enjoyment of the great outdoors.
The first experience was on a fairly strenuous backpacking trip with my two friends. We trekked deep into the damp Washington wilderness where there didn't seem to be anyone anywhere nearby and made camp off the trail. It was lightly rainy most of the time but we didn't bring any dry wood so a great deal of effort was made in creating a suitable basecamp which included putting up a tarp for a dry area to eat and attempting to create fire from the horribly wet environment.
It was late the first day and I took just a few bits of mushroom and started to roam the forest looking for pieces of wood that might help start and maintain the fire. After about ten minutes I noticed a definite change in both my visual perception and my mood. My vision seemed to widen and the trees around me became more vibrant and alive. I smiled when I realized that the mushrooms were working and the smile led to a deep feeling of joy. I was so happy to be in the forest, with its peaceful silence and earthy smells.
Prior to the mushrooms, I had a somewhat serious demeanor that was focused on accomplishing goals related to setting up camp and thinking about what was next. After the mushrooms took effect I felt that the moment I was in was that only thing that mattered. Any sense of potential anxiety faded away and throughout the night I felt elevated happiness. Even while I was in my tent anticipating the inevitable anxiety of trying to sleep I felt that the only anxiety I might be feeling was a remnant of my expectation and a memory of past anxiety. There was no authentic anxiety which freed me up to meditate on other things as I fell asleep.
The next evening I microdosed again and had a less intense version of the same experiences of the previous evening but still experienced an obvious change in mood. It seemed that either I took less or I had become slightly tolerant of the effects but they were definitely there. Less visual disruption but similar mood elevation. It all reminds me of a time when I took a supplement called New Mood from the company Onnit. New Mood is a product that is supposed to increase serotonin production in the brain which has an effect on many things including mood.
My experience of taking New Mood was intensely powerful and my mood was elevated while I took it. I felt happy in an almost manic way but without any cognitive chaos. The problem was that when I didn't take it I felt a very intense sense of depression. Not taking it for just one day seemed to reduce my mood to something worse than before I started taking it at all. The supplement was very expensive to be taking every day and I knew that I didn't want to rely on it or have to pay for it forever so I had to stop taking it altogether. Taking it periodically would have created a roller coaster of emotional states that I think would be worse than feeling slightly depressed all the time.
I don't know what the effects of continual microdosing mushrooms would be for me but I don't like the idea of relying on anything so much that I become a slave to it as a solution to issues that might be addressed through more sustainable means. Activities such as exercise, eating well, and generally taking control of my life have done more than any of these drugs or supplements have done for my mental and physical health but I still like the idea of altering my consciousness and experimenting with things that others have gotten value from. The experiences I had with microdosing were positive and I will likely do it again and maybe I will up the dose or try something else in the future as well.
I do not recommend people microdose mushrooms or take any other drug at all. I don't care what others do with their bodies or consciousness but it seems that people are curious about how substances and activities can affect personal perspectives so I am glad to share my thoughts on this topic. I am glad that more research is being done on the benefits of psilocybin and I think that it is immoral to criminalize drug use of any kind. Knowledge of the effects of substances helps foster safety and efficacy and destigmatizes the unknown. There are reasons to take drugs and they aren't always pragmatic. Sometimes taking a risk in and of itself is valuable and we should all be free to live in a way that generates personal and interpersonal peace.
