Photo Journal 12/12/2021 (Powell Butte)

Shot with Canon 80D

Canon 100mm Macro and Tamron 70-300

Powell Butte

Follow me on Instagram @g_grins and @fractalfocus.nature

CLICK TO ENLARGE

GO TO JOESNOTESBLOG.COM!

Microdosing Mushrooms

I hadn't taken psychedelic mushrooms in a long time for many reasons but mostly because I was afraid of having a bad experience. I wrote a blog post a while back about two experiences I had with large amounts of magic mushrooms. One experience was great and one was horrible so when thinking about taking mushrooms again I always worried about having another bad experience. Earlier this year, though, I decided to try them again but in a more deliberate way. Another reason to take less is that mushrooms can make you vomit or have diarrhea and that didn't seem like a pleasant experience, especially out in the woods. I decided to microdose instead of taking a larger amount and just see what happens.

On a couple of backpacking and camping trips that I went on earlier this year, I brought along some mushrooms. I brought enough to take a large dose but I didn't want to create unnecessary anxiety in a place that I knew I was already going to feel anxious. Sleeping in a tent in the forest provokes a lot of anxiety for me regardless of whether I'm alone or not and whether I'm in a campground or not. When I lay down in the dark my mind goes to work creating a series of fear-inducing imaginings and contemplations. I usually just accept the situation and try to convince myself that I'm ok and that I'm being irrational. 

The total amount of anxiety has gone down over the years with continued backing and camping trips but I still experience fear. Sometimes I just wait until I am completely exhausted or drunk but that isn't always preferred and I don't want to always rely on self-medication to deal with my negative mental states. That being said I decided to try some mushrooms this year to see if it would add to my enjoyment of the great outdoors. 

The first experience was on a fairly strenuous backpacking trip with my two friends. We trekked deep into the damp Washington wilderness where there didn't seem to be anyone anywhere nearby and made camp off the trail. It was lightly rainy most of the time but we didn't bring any dry wood so a great deal of effort was made in creating a suitable basecamp which included putting up a tarp for a dry area to eat and attempting to create fire from the horribly wet environment. 

It was late the first day and I took just a few bits of mushroom and started to roam the forest looking for pieces of wood that might help start and maintain the fire. After about ten minutes I noticed a definite change in both my visual perception and my mood. My vision seemed to widen and the trees around me became more vibrant and alive. I smiled when I realized that the mushrooms were working and the smile led to a deep feeling of joy. I was so happy to be in the forest, with its peaceful silence and earthy smells. 

Prior to the mushrooms, I had a somewhat serious demeanor that was focused on accomplishing goals related to setting up camp and thinking about what was next. After the mushrooms took effect I felt that the moment I was in was that only thing that mattered. Any sense of potential anxiety faded away and throughout the night I felt elevated happiness. Even while I was in my tent anticipating the inevitable anxiety of trying to sleep I felt that the only anxiety I might be feeling was a remnant of my expectation and a memory of past anxiety. There was no authentic anxiety which freed me up to meditate on other things as I fell asleep. 

The next evening I microdosed again and had a less intense version of the same experiences of the previous evening but still experienced an obvious change in mood. It seemed that either I took less or I had become slightly tolerant of the effects but they were definitely there. Less visual disruption but similar mood elevation. It all reminds me of a time when I took a supplement called New Mood from the company Onnit. New Mood is a product that is supposed to increase serotonin production in the brain which has an effect on many things including mood. 

My experience of taking New Mood was intensely powerful and my mood was elevated while I took it. I felt happy in an almost manic way but without any cognitive chaos. The problem was that when I didn't take it I felt a very intense sense of depression. Not taking it for just one day seemed to reduce my mood to something worse than before I started taking it at all. The supplement was very expensive to be taking every day and I knew that I didn't want to rely on it or have to pay for it forever so I had to stop taking it altogether. Taking it periodically would have created a roller coaster of emotional states that I think would be worse than feeling slightly depressed all the time. 

I don't know what the effects of continual microdosing mushrooms would be for me but I don't like the idea of relying on anything so much that I become a slave to it as a solution to issues that might be addressed through more sustainable means. Activities such as exercise, eating well, and generally taking control of my life have done more than any of these drugs or supplements have done for my mental and physical health but I still like the idea of altering my consciousness and experimenting with things that others have gotten value from. The experiences I had with microdosing were positive and I will likely do it again and maybe I will up the dose or try something else in the future as well. 

I do not recommend people microdose mushrooms or take any other drug at all. I don't care what others do with their bodies or consciousness but it seems that people are curious about how substances and activities can affect personal perspectives so I am glad to share my thoughts on this topic. I am glad that more research is being done on the benefits of psilocybin and I think that it is immoral to criminalize drug use of any kind. Knowledge of the effects of substances helps foster safety and efficacy and destigmatizes the unknown. There are reasons to take drugs and they aren't always pragmatic. Sometimes taking a risk in and of itself is valuable and we should all be free to live in a way that generates personal and interpersonal peace. 

 

Here is my previous post about a good and bad mushroom trip:

Re-Post: Shrooms: A Good Trip and a Bad Trip

Photo Blog 9/14/2019

Click here to get more!

Powell Butte 

Portland, Oregon

Shot with Canon G7X MKII

Click to Enlarge

Shrooms: A Good Trip and a Bad Trip

This is the story about the first and the last time I ate magic mushrooms.

It was Halloween, some time ago when I tasted my first magic mushroom. A friend of mine had invited me to a party at his friend's house nestled in the forested hills somewhere near North Bend, Oregon. As the sun was coming down the five of us made our way to the back room where we each took hold of a piece of pizza on top of which lay two or so grayish, dried mushrooms. We ate our slices, some in silence and some with childish glee. My nerves were peaked but I was committed to the experience and I ate my slice with all its foul flavors. As it hit my tongue I was compelled not to continue but I forced it down, the pizza barely masking its rotten impression.

It took a little while for the shroom's effects to manifest itself but as it did I felt my stomach churning and eyes widening. I stood up from the couch and ran into the bathroom. I puked a couple of times in the toilet and again tasted the nasty dirt-rotten mushrooms. As I recovered I was taken aback by two consecutive thoughts. The first was that there was now a slight green filter to everything and the man in the mirror was a version of myself that I recognized but in a new and fascinating way. The next thought was that I felt much better and a wave of euphoria and calm washed over me. I smiled at the tinted green version of myself and made my way back to the living room.

The rest of the evening I only remember in bits and pieces of sensory information. I remember the delicious maple syrup smell of the fog machine that would fill the room highlighting the three-dimensional space, the smoke undulating around faux spider webs, pumpkins, and skeletons. I remember laughing with friends and watching the carpet moving under my feet. At one point an old Christmas movie came on and I remember it being very interesting which I'm sure is only due to the significance inducing properties of the shrooms. One of my favorite activities was being outside where we reveled in the splendor of a bonfire celebrating our primal humanity and lighting fireworks. The place, activities and especially the people helped create an experience worth having.

Sometime later, I was with a completely different set of friends, a different place, and ate a different type of mushroom. This time a few work friends and I decided to eat mushrooms and hang out. The only activity that somehow we all agreed upon was watching the movie The Labyrinth. After eating the mushrooms, which were equally disgusting to the first ones, we sat in the living room a started watching the movie. My stomach churned again but I do not remember puking or anything turning green. The entire experience went by in a slow motion hell of David Bowie and Jim Henson muppets flashing in and out of my mind. As I watched the movie my mind would wander back and forth through past memories of watching the movie, predicting the next scene and then remembering past scenes in a time-bending nonsensical rollercoaster I could not escape.

As time went on my mind began attempting to make sense of what was occurring but as my rationality was impaired I couldn't continue a thought long enough to work out what was happening or what to do while watching random clips of an insanely abstract movie. I wasn't in control and as my panic grew worse I decided to simply close my eyes and try to sleep. This did not help much as the visuals did not stop behind my closed eyes. Clips of The Labyrinth continued to play in my head as a consuming inner voice continued to attempt to rationalize the experience. Eventually, I remembered that I had taken shrooms, that I would be alright and that the only way out was to ride the rollercoaster. I let my mind meander and soon the whirring thoughts turned into a bound up mess in a feeling I can only describe as grilling. It felt like my brain had been placed on a bbq grill to slow cook until crispy.

I am glad for the experiences and I learned more about what it is that magic mushrooms can do. I am skeptical of those that have only good things to say about mushrooms and those who blame the user for their bad experiences. I do agree that the way I experienced the shrooms in each situation played a role in the positive and negative outcomes and that mindset, setting and activities are important factors. I also agree that these things should not be done glibly or thought of as party drugs as the results are variable and the chemicals are unregulated. Ingesting organic psychedelics is not for everyone and the outcomes are unpredictable.

Ultimately I did not come to any realizations or epiphanies about my life or the universe. Maybe I was in a "bad place" when I took the shrooms the second time or maybe I took too much or had a bad reaction chemically. Either way, I learned something about how the mind can change when introduced to outside chemicals and how you can really only understand something by doing it.

The Getting Pulled Over with Shrooms Story

The sirens blared as I pulled into the parking lot of Mingus Park. I tried to remain calm as the four teenagers riding with me scrambled to make themselves ready for the interrogation. As the sun glared across my windshield and I stopped the car we waited for the officer to walk up.

Earlier that day:

"What do liberty caps look like?" I asked John as we stepped out into the cow pasture miles out of city limits. It was a friend of a friend's property and we were looking for magic mushrooms. John proceeded to explain that liberty caps were small, light brown mushrooms that grow in and around cow dung. We walked around a bit and he pointed one out. It was among a patch of 20 or so and as soon as I knew what I was looking for they were everywhere.

Four of us were walked around the field and in just a couple hours each of our small bags were filled to the brim. My friend, John, was the mastermind of this event and told us that the tea he would make would be plenty for everyone so we compiled them all into two large zip lock bags. I was the driver for the excursion and it seemed reasonable that I set them under my seat before we headed back into town.

"Everyone shut up and be cool," I said to my would be fellow felons as the police officer walked up to my door.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?" He asked looking around at the young people filling my car.

"No," I said as I handed him my ID

"You failed to use your blinker when you pulled in here," he explained.

"Oh," I said, mildly shocked at the minor indiscretion I was pulled over for.

"Hey, Trevor. You talk to your parole officer lately," the officer said to one of the boys in the backseat. Someone I didn't know very well, let alone know that they were on parole.

"Yes. Talked to him yesterday," Trevor answered respectfully. 

"OK," the officer said as he turned his attention back to me. "I'm gunna let you off with a warning but you make sure to be careful next time."

"Absolutely," I responded as I took my ID back.

The officer walked back to his car and drove off as we all collectively let out a sigh of relief. This wasn't the first time I had been pulled over for a minor traffic violation but it was the first time I had two pounds of magic mushrooms under my seat. If the officer had found them I would have been royally fucked but instead I didn't even get a ticket.

Later that night, while a group of degenerate teenagers hung out by the tracks in Lakeside, mushroom tea was being prepared. As the night went on I watched as the people around me took little trips to an unknown place without me. I wasn't ready to take the plunge into psychedelics that night but soon I would.