You're Not In Control

The modern world is full of communication channels and with everyone expressing their opinions it seems that everyone knows best. Along with their criticisms comes their prescriptions for others. So much of the internet is just people telling other people how to think, how to live and how to vote and I find it to be overwhelming pretentious, self-righteous and annoying.

I'm not sure why everyone wants to control everyone else. Ok, that's not true. I get that everyone is power hungry but why are they so confident? They speak with such certainty and aggression it is as if they think that if everyone just did as they said the world would be perfect. This sounds like an overbearing parent to me. Maybe those who demand subjugation are reenacting their perception of moral nurturing. In demanding others adhere to their ethical framework they are telling others they care and want the world to be better but since their only model for teaching such methods is through demands they bark orders instead of negotiating toward a solution.

This applies more obviously to those that lobby the state to enact their brand of justice. Many hold the government as the ultimate in paternal enforcement and moral justice and it is reasonable to think this way as the government does have the power to take, punish and demand but for those that do not accept that these means are justified, the government is merely a group of control freaks trying to tell us what to do. What is curious is how everyone seems to think that they are in control of others and while many comply with the will of others it is not because the demander is in control.

I think we are only as free as our ability to choose but we are not infinitely free. Nor are we infinitely oppressed. We long for freedom and find those that impede it an enemy. It seems that given enough time humans tend to rebel and fight oppression. I suppose that those that wish to fight the power structure require the means to fight and the alternative has to be worse than fighting so some choose comfort and stability over revolt. This seems true in North Korea, although I am not sure if a significant proportion of their population actually believes they are being oppressed. They might be brainwashed into thinking they are free or at least protected, loved or otherwise part of a meaningful group.

But if the people of North Korea decided to band together and fight their "Great Leader", Kim Jong Un would find that he is not in control anymore. And if someone from inside his own party decided to assassinate him he would find that he is not in control. If he were to get cancer and die he would find that he is not in control. We are not in control of much it seems.

We humans can barely take credit for controlling ourselves but somehow so many think they deserve to control others. We should not be so quick to offer our cure for the world's troubles. Instead, we should focus on our immediate environment, make that better and then work outward. This does not mean we should not act to help others or create change but it does mean we should not be attempting to control others through megalomaniacal demands, force, or shame. We should be humble and honest about our lack of understanding about humanity and about what is best.

I would prefer to think of the Freedom From perspective. This means that I want to be free from others' oppression and impediments. Freedom of association and participation means not being forced to be on someone's team or contribute to someone else's notion of morality. Freedom from laws that force me to go against my beliefs about what is right and wrong. It also means taking responsibility to deal with the consequences of my associations and actions that affect others. I don't believe we should be seeking Freedoms To do whatever it is we want or make others act in a way we want.

I realize that I am prescribing what people "should" do in this while criticising those who do the same but I think that what I want to do is highlight the difference between trying to influence thought and trying to control behavior. Those who try the quick route of influence via force and coercion are adding tyranny to the world while those that use words and ideas to influence are introducing alternatives that can be disregarded or adopted based on its value and accuracy.

Smiling: A Retail Perspective

This is not attractive

This is me relaxed

I suffer from permanent bitch face. I look serious and mildly annoyed when my face is at rest. A few weeks ago I decided to make a conscious effort to smile more while at work. I never liked the idea of smiling for other people. The idea of pretending for the sake of other's comfort always seemed inauthentic and dishonest. I just told myself that I'm not a "bubbly" kind of person. I provide good customer service through expertise, not emotional positivity.


I decided to try an experiment though, not for others' sake, but for my own sake. To utilize smiling as a tool and the goal was to provide better customer service, attract people instead of repelling them, and to see what kind of effects a simple smile might produce. The effects were immediate.

The first step was to practice smiling in the mirror and when no one was around. I tried to think of something funny or pretending that I just heard a joke. This technique works very well. Instead of just looking like I'm squinting or grimacing or trying too hard. By smiling with the eyes and just a little bit of an upward grin creates a subtle and convincing smile.

After beginning to employ this new tool I found immediate results. It doesn't seem like it should be surprising but I was genuinely surprised that when I was smiling and someone looked at me it seemed that most people couldn't help but smile back. If I added a bit of eyebrow raise they couldn't help but engage with me as I approached them asking if they needed any help.

My interactions started off positive instead of neutral or dismissive. Even if someone wasn't particularly excited to interact they usually would put on a quick fake smile and politely say no thanks. There are still those that do not care much about interacting regardless of a positive face but the vast majority of people respond in a positive way to someone smiling and looking happy to help.

The second thing I noticed was more subtle but undeniable. The words that came out of my mouth while I was smiling sounded happier and more enthusiastic. When I don't smile and simply ask someone if they need anything it just sounds like an unemotional statement but when I smiled the words took on a more upbeat tone and I think a slightly higher pitch. I think that this comes across less threatening and more approachable. This effect even works over the phone. Smiling while talking changes the inflection to a more positive expression.

This looks genuine and positive

Another positive effect is that the more I smile the more I become emotionally more positive. I have heard of this effect from somewhere before so it might be an expectation bias but it certainly seems to be true. Smiling on purpose and more often seems to have a feedback to the brain convincing it that things are better off making you genuinely happier. This makes sense in that when you do things that add to your sociability you attract more positivity and engage in better interactions with others. This is highly desirable for social creatures that depend on others for success and our biology seems to reinforce this behavior.

Another positive effect of smiling is creating a bit of positive attention from females. When I smile at females many of them smile back which reinforces confidence in my ability to interact with attractive women. I come across as more approachable and confident with women and because I sound more friendly the interactions are more personal.

Also, when employing a smile it seems easier to add jokes or personal stories as the entire interaction is more friendly. If the customer responds well to the smile then it allows them to be more personal and tell me what they need as well.

Too much and it looks sarcastic

After about a week of practicing this technique at work, I started to find myself smiling when I wasn't at work and I found that the same results took place. When I would just walk around a store smiling people would smile back. I think when a person gives eye contact with a smile it comes across as both confident and attractive. People wonder what you might be like or why you are happy. Positive people want to be around positive people and negative people secretly want to be positive so you represent a kind of ideal when you smile and display confidence with eye contact.


What I have learned after doing this is that you don't want to smile too much which is also true of eye contact. Too much smiling, especially if the topic turns serious comes across as disconnected or unempathetic. The same is true if the topic turns fun. If you don't smile when someone says something they think is funny you can come across as unemotional, dismissive and unempathetic.

This is not a cure-all for customer service interactions. Some customers do not care at all that you are happy and I imagine that some of them are annoyed that you are happy as they are not. Body language is a very powerful communication device and understanding the effects of different behaviors helps one get the results one wants from social interactions.

I am reminded now of a Ted Talk about body language about not being your authentic self (below). When your job is to interact with others coming across as unapproachable will not lead to positive results so consciously altering your body language might not be completely authentic but it is a form of self-control that can help you better get along with others and get better results in life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zpf8H_Dd40

Imagining what I might ask Sam Harris about his belief in Determinism

I get how you can stick with determinism and still hold people accountable purely as a logical way to maintain society but how do you hold yourself responsible if you truly believe that you are not the author of your behavior and thoughts? When you accomplish a goal how do you celebrate when there is no "one" to celebrate? When you make a mistake who do you blame if you truly believe that there is no "self". Do you go to bed at night attempting deeply to convince yourself that the thoughts in your head are completely out of your control? Isn't meditating an example of how thoughts influence behavior? And mediating, in turn, influences thoughts and behaviors but who decided to start meditating? If thoughts cannot affect behavior then why attempt to control them, understand them or otherwise think of them in any positive regard. They are just the whisperings of neurological fireworks. Just a show to keep some observer busy? When you sit to write, isn't that an example of thoughts directly influencing outward behavior? Then why is it so hard to imagine that thoughts can also affect the world? I guess Sam Harris doesn't think that thoughts cannot affect the world, just that there are no authors to thoughts. That they are outcomes of prior causes and effects and no more under our control than a rock falling down a mountain can control how it falls. But people can control how they fall? They build things and experiment and communicate. How is that not an example of the massive difference between people and everything else? If the universe is simply a series of perfectly predictable causes and effects then humans are no different so just because humans do things differently doesn't make them special or different. If the universe is fundamentally unpredictable due to the uncertainty inherent in physics doesn't that mean that determinism can't be true? Or at least that there is some room for chaos and uncertainty. Which might be where consciousness and free will preside. IDK. Maybe free will is a non-absolute term that simply refers to the perception that a conscious effort has been made toward realizing a goal. Or it is the ability to recognize the difference between the current state and an ideal state and working toward bridging that gap? Maybe it is just another name for taking responsibility even when we know we don't control everything.

Bro Virtue Signalling

"Bro Virtue Signalling, or BVS, is when someone who is super cool also espouses virtues in a cool way. It is important that the signal is not preachy or trying to actually make someone feel worthless. It has to be empowering being perceived as being a "big deal". 

I thought of this while listening to The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast and the Your Mom's House podcast. In both of these podcasts the comedians that host them make fun of each other in the direction of persuading them of the value of good health. The fat shaming event that Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura engaged in earlier this year went viral and became a huge story. What's interesting is that the entire campaign was centered around a bet between the two out of shape comedians to lose weight. Whomever got the lower BMI rating would win and while the contest went on people from all over the world got in on the jokes and jeering. 

This kind of subtle promotion of the virtue of healthier living with the use of crude and "bro" humor is one of the reasons why these comedians and podcasts are so popular. They are not devoid of ethics. They simply hide their virtue signals among vulgar language and sometimes brutal masculine japery. It speaks to the complicated nature of communication and friendship. Friends, especially males, do not always come straight out and say, "I care about you and I think your weight it is unhealthy," but instead say the same thing by saying, "I bet you can't run a mile, because your so fat." It's blunt and to those listening may come off as rude but it's bite is in proportion to the care the one has for the other. 

Another example of this can be seen in the crowning of champions for various activities on the Your Mom's House Podcast between the two hosts Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura (husband and wife). In between the fart jokes and insane YouTube clips the two comedians throw in little virtue signals that promote a healthier lifestyle without being preachy. They have a running joke that one of them is the "water champion" and while no one is a clear winner the real goal of the competition is to promote the healthy behavior of drinking more water. Considering the two just had their first child I think that this is another example of how adults can mature while remaining true to themselves.

I highly recommend you check out these podcasts:

http://www.yourmomshousepodcast.com/

http://podcasts.joerogan.net/

Immortality in the age of YouTube

From the days of ancient Egypt humans have been seeking immortality. While we work on medical advancements in this direction true immortality remains illusive. There is another type of immortality and it is the kind that you get when your image and personality is etched into long lasting media. From rocks and paper to hard drives we record our likeness for the world to remember. When everyone is immortal who will be remembered?

Unless the internet changes massively or ceases to exist the activity of individuals will be continue to be uploaded in mass. It has become so easy for anyone to create semi-permanent reflections of their lives that the value of each reflection, while long lasting, is reduced. We are no longer limited to the ruling class as the sole representative of humanities achievements and record keeping. The statues and memoirs of long past rulers will not be the only record past on. But with such access to the future minds of humans the lasting impressions we leave online are increasingly trivial.

Forums such as YouTube help us immortalize our thoughts and visages for the world to see and with more views comes more notoriety and "fame". While some people will be remembered by more people it is only the truly revolutionary, visionary and repugnant that will that live on in the minds of future humans. This kind of immortality can not be gained by simply talking into a camera on YouTube. To be truly immortal one must be immense.

But why do we seek immortality? I think it is a relative of the need to reproduce. The ultimate driving force for humans is the need to reproduce our genes and if done successfully the genes are what become immortal. So it seems that our lust for immortality is born from our deepest primordial desires. Although it is a lofty goal that moves many to great deeds both good and bad it is really an illusion and when we actually die we no longer care about how many views our YouTube channels acquire.

So what's the point? The point, may be, that people are motivated by those who came before them that made lasting impressions which gives them the notion that they too can live on in the records and memories passed down. We are frantic to create lasting copies of ourselves and the more copies we make the harder it is for the world to erase our mark. Our children, art, businesses, and work all lead to nothing if nothing remains after we die, and we all die. The Buddhists believe pain comes from desire but so does greatness and mediocrity.

Human Behavior: A Retail Perspective

When I watch people and try to understand the motivations and underlying psychological processes involved in everyday stupidity I am often baffled and frustrated by the seemingly obvious yet complete absence of common sense, logic, reasoning and simple observation in others. People, and I am sure I am guilty of plenty of stupidity, do the most ridiculous things in economic environments. Both customers and employees can often make even the simplest task superbly arduous.

I am not going to bore you with a list of examples of ridiculously stupid things people do while trying to navigate a merchant's wares because I have no doubt that you can come up with a half a dozen before you finish reading this sentence. You might be thinking of a time when a customer asked you where they might find the thing that is right in front of them, or asking you if your product is alphabetized when even a quick and rudimentary test of this hypothesis would instantly answer the question, or said it is illegal to not have a display item in stock. So, instead I will make a list of the variables I try to remember when I have my wits about me and stave off the inclination to scream.

1. People are stupid.
If 50% of people in the general public are below average cognitive abilities, as scored by a variety of IQ tests, then 50% of people are simply not working with the required equipment to make the kind of economic and practical decisions afforded them. For example, people will get insurance on something that worth a small amount and not on something worth a much larger amount because the smaller number is less money not more valuable. But it is the more expensive item that will be more expensive to replace and for the most part a smarter person won't get insurance on something they plan on taking care of anyway. They trust that they can manage their environment successfully and mitigate the risks. A lesser intelligent person does not think rationally about the future but relies on an instinct about the here and now. This is a generalization and may not apply to everyone but it certainly is something I think about when trying to understand human behavior.

2. People are Ego managers
People are often times very concerned with maintaining a perspective of themselves that is completely positive. Telling them they are wrong or explaining a deficiency in their thinking sparks defensive maneuvers and they may lash out, or retract entirely, imagining you as an attacker. They may bolster their claims with unwarranted certainty or hurl accusations. Or, even before speaking to them they will attempt to dominate the conversation with demands either veiled in awkward levity or aggressive expectation. Most people haven't taken a hard look at their flaws and assumptions about themselves enough to go through the world with humble curiosity. Is that so crazy to expect?

3. People do not see things from other perspectives
People often times are incapable of seeing things from another's perspective. When they see someone that works somewhere they see them as a means to their end. They see them as a tool to do as they desire. (This is partly a product of the modern corporation bending over backwards for years for customers that do not deserve courtesy.) Many people have never worked in a customer service field, with other people directly, or understand how businesses work and many people, in the general public, have really never had a job. They've never been someone who serves others so their empathy is not informed by this experience.

4. Some people are genuinely mentally handicapped
Sometimes I encounter people on the cusp of judgement between thinking they are a deliberately obtuse individual or they might genuinely need my help. It takes a moment of often times my frustration is relieved when I come to realize that this person isn't being a jerk but simply needs a bit of assistance. They do not have the social or cognitive skills to be perfectly polite or understand that I am busy with something else. This is actually a wonderful thing to happen because then I can't blame them for my frustration, I can only blame myself for not being patient.

5. Lastly, (for now), I choose to be here
I am not a slave to my job and choose to go everyday knowing that I will encounter an assortment of inane and sometimes insane people. This is my doing and I should remember this above all else. I choose to look at everyone as if they are time bombs of unpredictable behavior and potentially dangerous intent. I should remember that my own defenses and judgments inform my thoughts and can rule my emotions. I should remember that I can, if I want, simply leave and go take a walk up a mountain if it becomes too much to handle. I have to ask myself if the money is worth the internal turmoil? And if it isn't then I should act, not act out.